Monday Ramblings...

Have you ever started off a week feeling… insignificant?

Well, that's me today. Bleh.

Life gets over-run with chaos. Time-munching activities eat away at the things that really and truly matter.

Since starting my new job, I've done a lot of internal assessment on what matters.

Family. Friends. Time with them.

Don't get me wrong… I enjoy my new job. It utilizes a lot of my capabilities. It challenges me.

But it does deny me the one thing I miss most. Time.

It's weird how you realize how much something matters when it's no longer there.

Yesterday, I had a horrendous headache most of the day. I plastered my butt to the couch and sat watching a Gilmore Girls marathon while my husband had an afternoon with his boys on Skype. Their mom doesn't want me talking to them anyway, so I thought it would make me feel better watching a show that makes me smile… hell, I needed a good laugh. But it didn't help. It made me think about my own life and the lack of true friends I have in it. The lack of community I have surrounding me.

Truthfully, I've never really had that, despite my deep desire for it. I've had people in my life, the illusion of friendship… But as soon as our relationship gets hard, or they don't agree with something, they disappear. I have very few people in my life who have managed to stay the course. Sherry, my beta-reader-extraordinaire is the only one.

One friend in all my years who has stood by me, despite falling out. 

Am I that hard to get along with? That hard to love?

Maybe so.

Maybe I expect too much?

In today's society, the condition is to be so busy you can barely find time to plan a meal, let alone time for a frivolous call a friend you've been thinking about.

Then put it into context - broader even… who am I to feel sorry for myself? I have a fantastic husband whom I love deeply. I see my kids half the week and get to physically hold them, kiss them. Things are finally getting easier financially, thanks to our new jobs…

I know I should count my blessings. I really do. But I wish I lived in a world like Stars Hollow. I wish I had people who stopped by unannounced, who knew where the coffee pot was and would make a cup before even letting me know they were over… People who called for no reason other than to chat and catch up. I wish I had people to laugh with, roll my eyes at and sometimes run from when I see walking toward me.

I don't know… Is that too much to ask?

The (un)Friend

Since my recent divorce and remarriage, I've had friends jumping the "Carissa friend-SHIP".

In all honesty, there hasn't been many… but there has been close friends-- people who I considered to be more like family have chosen sides when no one required it. I know I never did… For me, it wouldn't be fair to make friends choose between me and my ex-husband. It's childish and ridiculous. Besides, I don't dislike the man. I just didn't want to be married to him. There's a difference.

I've heard things like, "You didn't care what other people thought when you were getting divorced. You hid away because you knew I wouldn't agree with you… Why would you care now?"

or

"You've stood there, with your fists up, ready to knock anyone to the side if they don't blindly follow you."

The interesting thing is this…

I never expected people to blindly follow me. Nor to agree with me. My fists were and are always unclenched until someone directly attacks my character or my intentions without knowledge or justification. I never hid away, though, I will admit, for a time it was hard to get together with people. Not necessarily because I thought they might disagree with my life's direction… but because I was truly busy.

I had a new life to build. I had a new house to move into. I had to put my focus where it mattered most. Myself. My kids. My new spouse.

Everyone and everything else was, for lack of a better word, temporarily extraneous.

That included my blog. Facebook. Twitter. Even Pendomus.

Those friends who were true, understood the why.

Those who didn't, clearly were not.

Now that things have settled, I've been returning to a sense of normalcy. And extending my hand back out to friends and family previously outside my center of focus.

What I didn't expect was the hostility from those who I was mistaken about. Evidently, because I made a decision that was unpopular with them, I am no longer allowed to have feelings. About myself. About those around me. Because I wasn't as readily available, I was hiding. Yet, every friend who asked me to do something during my transition, I made time for if I could. If I couldn't, I offered suggestions for alternate times. Yet, that goes unnoticed.

If there's anything last year's narcissisticapades taught me, it's that people are going to form an opinion of you regardless of the truth. Regardless of YOUR own personal truth.

So, in times like these… when people cannot see who you are beyond their own perception, it's time to let them go. Transitions are funny like that. People come and go.

With this wave knocking a few people from the boat, there will be others, willing to climb aboard.

And with any luck, those who do, will be true.

A World of Change

If someone told me a year ago…

I would be divorced, lost close friends over perceptions, living in my parent's second home and working with an immigration attorney because I'm about to marry a man originally from England, whom I happen to have met on Twitter…

I would have called the mental institution. 

But this is how my life has played out.

Don't get me wrong. I knew last year that things were not right in my previous marriage. I knew there were things I had to change in order to reclaim my own personal happiness. That's not to say that life was all bad, it wasn't.

But it wasn't satisfying.

It was missing something that my soul was longing for and I couldn't make that soul song quiet down. Something was pulling me… or rather, as time when on, it turns out, someone.

I met the most amazing man in the oddest of places - Twitter.

Since December, he's been in the United States with me. Unless you've experienced something like this, I cannot properly express how beautiful life has been with him. How seamless - even amidst the craziness. How in sync we are with each other. It's been as if we've known each other all along. There's been no question of "Is this right." Instead, we are just one day away from being married and I can't wait!

The past six months of my life have been a whirlwind. Or maybe just a complete daze.

Now that things are winding down, I'm allowing myself some time to look back. To reflect and recognize how far I've come. How far my life has come. How my world has changed.

Honestly, I'm surprised with myself. And actually, quite proud that what I've done; I've done for the right reasons.

So everyone involved -- not just me -- could be happy.

Even if for now, there is only a handful of people who see it… I know the truth inside myself.

There are, however, elements in this I could not have foreseen as I took those first few steps on this new journey... I've lost people I thought were close close friends because they couldn't look outside the box of what they deemed normality. Because they've wanted to choose sides when really, if they looked closer-- they would have seen that the only side is their own. What makes them happy. Did they want to maintain friendships between everyone? Or do they not. I'm not on bad terms with my ex. So I don't understand the desire to cast loyalties when none were being asked of anyone. Additionally, I've alienated myself from family members because of the same reason. Or perhaps, because they're too afraid to ask the question of why.

I've even had to step away from writing. Away from Twitter. Away from blogging.

At least, until I could wrap my head around all that's gone on. All that I am becoming. All that my world now entails.

I've tried to return to writing… but have failed at that. Mostly because my focuses are too spread out. My energies too scattered. Yet, somewhere underneath, I know that it's going to make a resurgence. I've felt it for a long while. The timing just wasn't right yet, no matter how much I tried to force it. Other areas needed my attention first. I get that now.

So, it is in this-- my last day before marrying the man who stole my heart and changed my world-- that I take time to reflect. To breathe life into my own life's story before moving forward into fiction.

Because I know that the pen of things to come lies waiting.

Tomorrow is just the beginning. <3

A Proclamation of Appreciation

So, this is a kick ass week for me.

Amazing author and friend, TS Welti will be posting a five question interview of me on her blog tomorrow (July 13th). I blabber about writing, with the focus on The Pendomus Chronicles. From what I gather, the interview should go live around 10am PDT. By the way-- her interview will also include an excerpt. ;)

How super cool is that? 

The point of this blog is two-fold. 

First: I HAVE MY FIRST INTERVIEW EVER THIS WEDNESDAY! 

*jumps up and down like a kid*

Second: I want to thank Tania for her kindness and send a special shout out to her. 

So, it is in that spirit, that I want to mention: 

TS Welti has a fabulous new book that just came out, The Fifth Specter. 

Here's the Amazon.com excerpt:

Thirteen-year-old Parker Chance has suffered from hallucinations for most of his life. He has been ridiculed and expelled from public school on account of these hallucinations. When his adoptive father destroys a picture of his birth mother, Parker decides to run away from home. He soon finds himself whisked away to a village of superhumans where he discovers he is one of them. Parker’s new power puts him at the center of a deadly mystery and he soon proves he is much too curious for his own good. The Fifth Specter is a funny and enchanting fantasy that will stay with the reader long after the final page is turned.

Sounds awesome, right? 

I'm awaiting my hard copy as I type and look forward to reading this to my book obsessed son. (I don't know where he gets it. It's weird.)

(The Fifth Specter can be acquired in e-book form as well. FYI!)

 Amazon.com is also kind enough to have a blurb about the fabulous Ms. Welti:

About the Author

Ms. Welti

T.S. Welti is a single mother living in Southern California. She writes books for kids and teens for a living and bakes in her spare time. In 2005, she began writing THE FIFTH SPECTER while sitting in the shade of a weeping willow on a sweltering summer day. Five years later, she lost her job and the book was still not finished. After many sleepless nights spent slaving away at her keyboard, she was finally able to finish THE FIFTH SPECTER and has never looked back. You can find out more about T.S. Welti and the Parker Chance Series on her website at http://tswelti.com.

The writing/reading community is one of vast support. I'd love it if you would swing by her blog tomorrow to check out my interview... and of course, frequent her blog in the future!

One last thing: For the love-- if you aren't following her on Twitter-- be sure to do so.

You guys ROCK! Thank you! :D

I want to know the color of your soul, amongst other things. TAGAWARDS!

Translation: Try to be silly, dammit

The superbly funny & aspirational Lyn Midnight (of Lyn Midnight against the Odds) thought it would be an interesting test of faith er... brain power... to tag me on her blog today.  Since she just had a sooper cool interview over at Elizabeth Sogard's blog (HER FIRST EVER!), she's inspired me to follow through. 

Why?

Because I need to write something-- Lyn said so. 

I read it in that interview. 

Ordinarily, this is a bit of advice that I adhere to anyway. But my wee brain has been fried since the concussion-o-rama back on June 5th. (Though... my mind... or lack thereof... is returning and I don't think this excuse is going to pass gas-- uh, hold weight much longer. Or so I've been told.)

Anyhoo... Since Lyn is awesome, I've decided to comply. Why the hell not? Her questions alone are freakin' hilarious. 

I'm supposed to tag 8 cool peeps that I would like to know the answers to the off the wall questions that I've answered below... 

So here goes:

1. Kendall

2. Kara

3. Colin

4. T.S. Welti

5. Gina

6. Steven

7. Cherie

8. Anita

Tag! You guys are now it!

***

Crazy Questions

If you were a vampire, which celebrity would you first sink your teeth into?

If I were a vampire... would I care if I was sinking my teeth into a celebrity or the first dude that walked by? Somehow, I doubt it would matter.

Besides, celebrities live far, far away from the Soggy Marshlands of MN. It would take way too long, with way too much effort to locate a celebrity. Much less... uh, eat one. ;)

What’s your middle name? No, not your real middle name, your MIDDLE name.

The middle name bestowed upon me from my kick-ass CRITS group is Hummingbird. 

Carissa Hummingbird Elg.

Has a nice ring. Makes my short ass last name seem not so freakin' short. Nah, it really doesn't.

How about this: Seems docile and whatnot, doesn't it?  

Never underestimate the pervy power of women when they get together to bullshit. Yep, it's totally how we roll. Besides, you can't be a pompous ass about your own work when your middle name is Hummingbird and the lady next to you is Peacock. Know what I'm sayin'? Just not possible. 

You’re stranded on an island. There’s a monkey with you there, but he’s not too chatty. You also have a ball at your disposal. A ship passes by, but it’s daylight. How will you attract their attention?

Wait, wait... WAIT! Just one damn minute! There are crucial bits of information missing from this hypothetical!

A.) Did I CHOOSE to be on said island? 

The fact that we are trying to "attract the attention" of the ship implies not. But then again, "attract attention" doesn't imply -- "HEY! I want the fuck off this island!", either. I could just be, "Quick monkey, let's wave to the nice people on the ship!"

If I chose to be there, then I obviously don't care about the ship beyond the proverbial high-fiver. 

Now... If this was a LOST type deal... then, I think I have more reason for concern. There could be crazy beasties or weird people in hatches and shit like that. THAT implies "get me the fuck off this island!" In which case, I'd be searching for a way off long before said ship sailed by. Probably would have slaughtered said monkey and used his fat to light a fire on his bones. (No, not really. Yeesh, I can't even kill a freakin' spider-- I usher them outside, like the big pansy I am.)

Some balls aren't meant to be talked to.
Wait... what?

B.) What kind of monkey is it? Some monkeys are totally cool. The fact that he's not too chatty doesn't bug me. It would still be better than talking to a volleyball with a bloody freakin' face painted on it. Know what I'm sayin'? ;)

C.) What kind of ball is it? This seems important. Is it a beach ball? The dreaded volleyball? Or is it a damn golf ball? WHAT KIND OF BALL?!

D.) A ship passes by... You guessed it... What kind of ship? The RMS Titanic (in which case, I'm screwed) or is it some sort of creepy paddle type thing. The word ship implies big, so I'm going to throw out the paddle crap. 

God, I've totally forgotten what the hell we were talking about. 

Oh, right. 

Attracting the attention of the ship. Screw it, forget the monkey and the ball. 

I'd just go topless. That gets attention. Right?

What are you secretly afraid of? And what are you REALLY afraid of?

Secretly afraid of: Failure. 

REALLY afraid of: Sucking so bad that the entire universe implodes upon itself due to the awesomeness of my suckage. Ginormous Carissa Hummingbird Black Hole of DOOM!

Describe your best friend in five words.

Genius. Organized. Brave. Encouraging. Neurotic (like me!).

What’s your current favorite song? What about the annoying one stuck in your head?

Awake and Alive, by Skillet is hands down, my favorite song ATM. Not only does it resonate with my characters in Pendomus, but with me as a person. Plus, who doesn't love orchestra and metal? I mean, really!?

Annoying song: Born this Way, by Ms. Gaga. Damn thing gets stuck in my head at the most inopportune times. Probably because it sounds like every other song I grew up with all meshed together. 

                                                                                           

What’s the last movie you watched? Was it good? (Fishing for recommendations.)

Titanic. 

Of course, it was good. It's freakin' TITANIC. 

When it came out, I watched this sucker an obnoxious 10 times. In the theater. James Cameron, somehow managed to not only suck out my soul, but every last dollar from my wallet. 

Side note: I'm a total fibber. I actually worked for the local movie theater at the time and got in free. But even if I didn't I would've seen it an obnoxious 10 times. I've always been enthralled with Titanic. Always. 

I even gave birth to my daughter at the time the last of the lifeboats were being launched (April 15th at 12:45am) -- just 98 years later! 

Oh, my god. I'm such a geek.

***

About the 8

How did you meet #1?

Twitter, of course. I can't remember who "followed" who first. However, the first time Kendall's tourette syndromesque cock rants started flying, I knew we'd be fast friends. She's not ashamed to be herself and embrace her cockiness. ;)

What did you and #2 last talk about?

Critiquing stuff. Kara's a book blogger genius extraordinaire and I trust her wisdom. You should, too!

Would you want to be stuck on an island with #3?

OH! Colin's the monkey from the island question! That makes more sense! Wait, what? 

LOL!

All joking aside, Colin seems like a sooper nice guy. As long as he brought cake, we'll be juuuust fine. ;)

Does #4 remind you of someone?

Yep. T.S. reminds me a lot of me, actually!  I absolutely adore her. 

What was your first impression of #5?

"This woman is hilarious!" Seriously, Gina has a fun, fresh way of speaking! If you're not following her on twitter, you should!

From 1-10, how cool is #6?

Steven's pretty awesome. I'm gonna have to lay it down at a solid 9. He needs to chat with me more to bump it up to 10, though.

Why did you tag #7?

I tagged Cherie because this woman never ceases to amaze me. She's constantly on the go... Pin her down, quick! 

Do you want to thank #8 about anything?

I want to thank Anita for her utter kindness. She's probably the nicest person you will meet. And she likes cake as much as I do. Right, Colin? ;) 


BTW- this post has nothing to do with the color of my soul. But if I had to choose... it would be black. Why? Because in order to get black, you have to use every color in the rainbow. 

Let the illustrations... begin!

Thanks are definitely in order.

After sending a call out to for an illustrator, I had four fabulous people interested. Two were people who found me in the Twitterverse and two were awesome people I already had in my life. It was a tough decision in many ways and I really want to thank each of them for being interested. Every single one of them are talented and super to deal with!

Rough sketch, my ass. Look at the detailed coloration!

In the end, I made my decision based on the drawing I thought best suited the story. As it turns out, that person is one of the creative geniuses that are already in my life. The ironic thing is that I knew this guy was talented, but I had no clue just HOW talented. I am absolutely in awe of the work he put into his "rough sketch". ------------->

Don't you agree?

(No, you can't have him. I'm going to keep him busy, dammit!) HA!

Well, okay... that was rude of me. If you seriously wanted to chat with him... I can make a list.

Get you in contact. Drop a name. :)

At the moment, he's not taking any additional work, but as soon as he is: you can be the first to know.

At any rate... I want to thank each of the artists who submitted, again. You are all freakin' awesome.

Special thanks to my new evil illustrator mastermind.

May your wife not mind me monopolizing your artistic time. ;)

Facebook Snafu

Facebook dilemma

I've been on Facebook a long time. All my family and friends mingle with me there. It's where we try to keep in contact and stay up to date with each other.

Now that I've launched my platform as an author, I find a lot of my awesome twitter friends finding me on facebook.

I consider myself a straightforward person... Pretty much anything you want to know, just ask. But my facebook page is my real world. My kids photos are there. My best friends link with me and my family's all there. I'm just not sure that I want to mix that world with my new authorly world and I'm not sure my friends/family would like it either.
You know?

Don't get me wrong... It's an interesting dilemma to have. But one that makes me take pause and draw a line in the sand. I don't use a fake name, I have enough personas in my head already. I don't need to create a new one for myself. Besides, in the age of the internet, people could figure out who I am anyway. Especially if my books eventually do well.

So here's the thing...

I know I have a back log of you wonderful people knocking on my door to come in... and I don't want to turn you away. 

{sigh}

But I think I have to. 

I created an author fan page on facebook (something I didn't figure I needed since I had one for the Pendomus Chronicles).

For the sake of my friends and family, it doesn't feel right to mingle my Twitter/author world with my real world in that way.

I hope you understand and I'd love it if you'd go hang out with me on my author page. I'll still respond there and I'd love the dialogue. I'll try to keep the content different from that on Pendomus so they can both by dynamic sites own their own.

Thanks for understanding and I'll see you lovely people there!

Unexpected Muse

The past ten days have been an unexpected break from my norm. My routine is completely thrown into chaos. I haven't dared touch my WIP for Pendomus for fear that I'd royally screw something up. There are too many strings and I'm not about to tangle them. LOL!

Then, a few days ago Violeta Nedkova (also known as Lyn Midnight) asked me an interesting question. 

Does my muse have a name?

See, she was about to write an epic series of blogs featuring writers and their perceptions of their muse(s). If you haven't already, you need to check it out. Right now. Go here----> http://lynmidnight.blogspot.com/ 

Oddly enough, she was curious about my muse and I was (quite surprisingly) tapped to submit something in 200 words or less. Being the obnoxious word gal that I am, I of course used 198 out of 200. :D

It was a great experience and just the exercise I needed to get my writing brain thinking again. Truly, it gave me a purpose to feel like I could still be productive. It may have taken me those two full days to do it, but I came around. Hopefully, it's mildly coherent. ;)

At any rate, I wanted to thank her SO MUCH for the opportunity to be a part of her fantastic idea and wonderful blog.

For this week, she was my muse, guiding me gently back into writing. Thank you.

(Plus, I found out she's an Avatar geek like me. YAY!)

Obnoxious me

So... I've been pondering this a while, but today was the final straw.

#WW and #FF madness, that is. 
(Twitter speak, for those of you unfamiliar. Google it.)

Wednesdays and Fridays, it's like a crazy baffoon takes over my good sense BUT I want to make sure all the cool peeps I talk to get a nod from me. It's a condition. Probably diagnosable.

While, I generally consider myself obnoxious... I guess I sorta would prefer it if you all didn't. A dear Twitter friend, Katja Rinne brought to my attention there's a better way to show my followly love.

While it makes perfect freakin' sense... I have an obnoxious fear of letting people down. (Where the hell did THAT come from, anyway? I blame my family. It's gotta be them, right?)

At any rate, thanks, in part to Katja... (and my cheerleader, Sherry who started me thinking on it originally) I am starting a new thing. Wednesdays and Fridays are still gonna be my nod to great people, but I'll be picking only 3 and I'm gonna be specific as to why you should follow them. Why 3? Well, because it's a fantastic flippin' number... and it's not overly obnoxious. HA!

The last thing I want to do is bombard you awesome people with my crazy-craziness.

Time for a new evolution in Twitter-speak from me. Hang tight.

Ideally, I'll be less obnoxious. ;)

Blog awards that make me smile...

...And scratch my head.

I'm still new to this blogosphere stuff... But in one week, I've been graciously offered two different blog awards by fun and fabulous fellow bloggers. While I have no idea what they mean or why I was given them, I find them highly entertaining. Plus, they've managed to lift this cold-medicine-induced zombie's spirits. 

Since I don't have the brain power at the moment to do anything other than thank them both, that's what I intend on doing! 

To the amazing Anita, thank you so much for the Artsy-Fartsy Blogger Award yesterday.

It was quite a surprise, but very much appreciated. Like I said before, I've been sick and it was lovely to feel like what I do made someone else smile. So, thank you!

Then this morning, I come to find out that Sophie-The-Sweet also gave me an award. 

Though I don't think either of us know what it means, it was cute and I also wanted to tell her thanks! 

Both of these fine women are worthy of checking out their blogs and getting to know. They have a wealth of knowledge and I enjoy their takes on things. 

With this Versatile Blogger thingy, you're supposed to list 7 random things... Since I sorta did that already, I'm just going to point you to my other post. (Partially out of laziness and partially out of DayQuiliness.) 

But then there are other rules... something about needing to pass the torch and all that. While I agree that it's awesome to show respect and love to our fellow bloggers, I want you to know this: I get that time's limited. Don't follow the rules just because they're the rules. Rules are meant to be broken. 

That said... 

I'm still gonna nominate 5 amazing bloggers and people I've had the privilege of meeting these past few months... They are working on amazing things (or have amazing things ready for you to discover)... 

Go check these fine people out!

• Jack Flacco

• Kendall Grey

• Cheri 

• Nicholas Denmon

• GP Ching