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Monday, February 20, 2012

A World of Change

If someone told me a year ago…

I would be divorced, lost close friends over perceptions, living in my parent's second home and working with an immigration attorney because I'm about to marry a man originally from England, whom I happen to have met on Twitter…

I would have called the mental institution. 

But this is how my life has played out.

Don't get me wrong. I knew last year that things were not right in my previous marriage. I knew there were things I had to change in order to reclaim my own personal happiness. That's not to say that life was all bad, it wasn't.

But it wasn't satisfying.

It was missing something that my soul was longing for and I couldn't make that soul song quiet down. Something was pulling me… or rather, as time when on, it turns out, someone.

I met the most amazing man in the oddest of places - Twitter.

Since December, he's been in the United States with me. Unless you've experienced something like this, I cannot properly express how beautiful life has been with him. How seamless - even amidst the craziness. How in sync we are with each other. It's been as if we've known each other all along. There's been no question of "Is this right." Instead, we are just one day away from being married and I can't wait!

The past six months of my life have been a whirlwind. Or maybe just a complete daze.

Now that things are winding down, I'm allowing myself some time to look back. To reflect and recognize how far I've come. How far my life has come. How my world has changed.

Honestly, I'm surprised with myself. And actually, quite proud that what I've done; I've done for the right reasons.

So everyone involved -- not just me -- could be happy.

Even if for now, there is only a handful of people who see it… I know the truth inside myself.

There are, however, elements in this I could not have foreseen as I took those first few steps on this new journey... I've lost people I thought were close close friends because they couldn't look outside the box of what they deemed normality. Because they've wanted to choose sides when really, if they looked closer-- they would have seen that the only side is their own. What makes them happy. Did they want to maintain friendships between everyone? Or do they not. I'm not on bad terms with my ex. So I don't understand the desire to cast loyalties when none were being asked of anyone. Additionally, I've alienated myself from family members because of the same reason. Or perhaps, because they're too afraid to ask the question of why.

I've even had to step away from writing. Away from Twitter. Away from blogging.

At least, until I could wrap my head around all that's gone on. All that I am becoming. All that my world now entails.

I've tried to return to writing… but have failed at that. Mostly because my focuses are too spread out. My energies too scattered. Yet, somewhere underneath, I know that it's going to make a resurgence. I've felt it for a long while. The timing just wasn't right yet, no matter how much I tried to force it. Other areas needed my attention first. I get that now.

So, it is in this-- my last day before marrying the man who stole my heart and changed my world-- that I take time to reflect. To breathe life into my own life's story before moving forward into fiction.

Because I know that the pen of things to come lies waiting.

Tomorrow is just the beginning. <3


26 comments:

Stacey Leigh Brooks said...

And in the loss of some things you have gained many more--The love of your life, new friends and a greater sense of yourself. Here's to the future...here's to the two of you and your new family. With you in spirit tomorrow and always. :) <3

Jennifer Gracen said...

What can anyone say to this other than WOW?

Good for you for following your heart, going with your gut, being bold and doing what most people say you should do but ultimately will scream at you you're selfish for doing: making yourself happy.

You can't break up a happy marriage. If you were happy in your previous marriage, nothing with the new man would have happened.

I have met people on Twitter who have changed my life, in ways both big and small. I have found genuine friendship, genuine love. I understand how you can connect with someone in a new and different way and have to justify to other that it's legitimate. You met someone ONLINE? That's not REAL. I bet you've heard this a zillion times. Good for you for not letting the naysayers sway you from your truth. It must have been beyond difficult, heartwrenching at times... but it's YOUR LIFE. You know this. Good for you for not letting the negative ones drag you away from what you know to be what's right for you. It's their loss if they're not in your life anymore.

I admire your tenacity and applaud your bravery, your willingness to take some hits to get to where you know you needed to be, and wish you all the luck in the world. You deserve it.

Best wishes to you and your about-to-be husband! Enjoy tomorrow. Take a picture and post it, will you, if you can? Would love to see the happy couple. :)

diannejwilson said...

Wishing you all the best of everything! You go girl!

Dana said...

Congratulations! I think it's wonderful that you're following your heart. I wish you many years of happiness!

Jack said...

You've always been so open with your posts and that's why I keep coming back! Congratulations, Carissa! I wish you all the happiness you could ever achieve in this lifetime and the next!

KendallGrey said...

Don't worry what everyone else thinks. You're doing what's right for you. So happy for you and Colin! Can't wait to hear about the wedding. I expect LOTS of pictures! :-)

K.T. Hanna said...

I'm so happy for you, hon. Not many people know how to step away from what doesn't work when it's become habit and the norm.

This took a lot of strength and you deserve all the happiness possible.

Also - having moved to the States to marry my husband, I can sympathize with meeting someone where and when you least expected it. Everything happens for a reason.

*hugs*

M.E. Anders said...

Thanks for sharing about your recent life journey. It IS amazing how our live can morph into something else within 12 months. I am currently going through a divorce, which I did not anticipate. Your words encouraged me that 1 year from now, my life will be radically different for the best. :)

Colin said...

Carissa... You are beyond amazing to me... and I agree... If I was told the same thing six months ago.. I would have locked myself up.. But here we are.. about to journey through the rest of our lives and I can't think of anyone more I would rather do it with... I am tryly blessed to have you in my life now and for the rest of it... I love you... with all my heart... xxxxxxx Your Husband xxxxxxx

Carissa Andrews said...

I love you with all of my heart, too. I can't think of any place I'd rather be than by your side. -<3

Carissa Andrews said...

Even though I couldn't have anticipated my life and the way it's turned out, I am so happy and excited for the future. Changes can be possible AND be positive. Even amidst what looks like chaos or heartbreak. You have plenty to be hopeful of. ;)

Carissa Andrews said...

We are going to have to talk more, my dear!

Carissa Andrews said...

Thanks, woman! And don't worry.... There will be pictures! ;)

Carissa Andrews said...

Thanks, Jack! You can expect a comeback soon! Blog, twitter, writing... It's gonba happen with a vengeance. Hope all is going well for you!

Carissa Andrews said...

Thanks, Dana!

Carissa Andrews said...

Thanks!

Carissa Andrews said...

Your comment really hits the nail on the head. Many people don't understand. But it's okay if they don't have the vision I have. They have time to catch up. ;) but yes, pics will be posted! Promise!

Carissa Andrews said...

Thanks, my fellow miscreant! Mwah!

Ciara Ballintyne said...

Wow that was fast. Everyone thought I was fast but you beat me. Of course, that probably comes down to legalities. Under Australian law, I had to wait 18 months to divorce my first husband, and I believe there's not much in the way of a mandatory waiting period in the States. I was engaged six months after my husband left me though.

Ray Plasse said...

All the happiness in the world for you and CPA!!! :)

Mandie Baxter said...

What a touching story!! Really incredible. I wish you both all the best. :)

cherie said...

WOW! CONGRATS!!

I'm so happy for you. I know you've struggled with the divorce even though you've showed all of us a brave front. So awesome that you could find someone to share your life with--someone who makes you truly happy. :)

Best wishes to you and your new hubs!

Anita Grace Howard said...

Congratulations my lovely friend. You know I'm happy for both of you! Let the naysayers nay. It doesn't change what your heart knows to be true ... what your soul needs to be complete.

I wish you both all of the happiness this world has to offer. Now go get hitched so you can come back and write your awesome books!

Best wishes for wedded bliss!

Pavarti said...

All my love darling, best of luck

Lyn Midnight said...

Wow, sounds like what some psychics call 'transition period'. I'm sorry that you lost some friends, but it's probably for the best: you need to stick with people who want to stick with you, no matter what. And omg, I didn't know you met your husband-to-be on twitter! Wow. I wish you all the happiness and have fun tomorrow. I love new beginnings, they're always exciting. Good luck!!! *hugs*

Erica Lucke Dean said...

So happy for you both. I feel like I witnessed you falling in love online and its a beautiful thing to see. Life is short, when you find love you have to grab on with both hands and tell the non-believers to get over themselves.