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Tuesday, September 13, 2011



1   [wurth]  Show IPA
good or important enough to justify (what is specified):advice worth taking; a place worth visiting.
having a value of, or equal in value to, as in money: This vase is worth 12 dollars.
having property to the value or amount of: They are worth millions.
excellence of character or quality as commanding esteem:women of worth.
usefulness or importance, as to the world, to a person, orfor a purpose: Your worth to the world is inestimable.
value, as in money.
a quantity of something of a specified value: ten cents'worth of candy.
wealth; riches; property or possessions: net worth.

What does it mean to be worth something? To be worthy? 

Of love. Of support. Of understanding?

From our family. From our parents. From our partners? From our friends?

Is it realistic to base a person's worth solely on money? Does that feel right to you?

Or can it be based on their potential? Their ability to love? Their ability to see what doesn't work and decide it's time to change it. Or a myriad of other things people might never notice…?

Is it right to limit a person's future because you cannot see what they see?

At what point… does a person take a stand and say,

"I wish you understood. But ultimately, it doesn't matter. Because I do."

I've been recently told to lower my expectations. That I dream too big and my ideals are unrealistic. I've been told that because I've made steps to be happier in my life… that I'm no longer worthy of support by the people I thought were closest to me.

By the people I thought would support me, unconditionally.

I've been told that, based on my recent decisions, I'm no longer deserving of going on my trip to Georgia at the end of the month. And I'm deluding myself if I ever think Pendomus could be something.

A month ago… this would have been devastating to me. And while, their words hurt, I know this person is wrong.

We have different philosophies about life.

To me, the unlived life is not worth living.

But because of that belief, I'm insane. Probably chemically imbalanced and need to be checked out. Because no one… no one in their right mind, would change their life if it wasn't working. I have children. How can I only think about myself?

I'm being illogical. 

Which is funny, when I think about it. There are many things I consider myself to be… crazy, may indeed be on that list… but illogical isn't one of them. (seems like a paradox, I know)

To this person, should you read my blog: I love you. But I don't agree with you.

Ultimately, we have to do what feels right in our own lives and that's not narcissistic or uncaring.

Sometimes it's feeling the fear and doing it anyway. It's being the change you wish to see in the world. It's leading by example and not expecting others to follow.

Whether or not the people closest to us understand.

Whether or not… they ever understand.

What is happiness worth to you?


Stacey Leigh Brooks said...

Brilliant! What is the point of dreaming if you limit the dream! Dream wild, dream big. All things are possible, and on our one trip around this dance floor, you need to take the steps toward happiness. You won't be doing anyone any favors if you just go thru the motions and pretend that where you are is where you are supposed to be. Right in the gut is right in the heart is right in the soul. Move forward, I got your back. And you know my thoughts on the rest of it.

Stacey Leigh Brooks said...

...and by the by....your worth/worthiness is priceless. No one has the power to decide otherwise outside of yourself.

KendallGrey said...

If it weren't for dreamers, we wouldn't be driving cars, typing on computers, or flying around the world in planes. We also wouldn't have awesome entertainment to make us laugh, innovations that make our lives easier, or medical technology to keep people healthy. If this person doesn't want you to live your dream, perhaps you need to stick with those who do.

I think you're already setting an example for how to live - for your friends, family, your kids. Keep doing what you know is right and WORTHY. You are worthy and so are your dreams, my friend! They're going to be reality one day soon. :-)

Kate said...

This sounds SO familiar. What is life if you don't do anything with it? Your dreams are realistic. How are you going to know if it won't go anywhere if you don't try. I know I can't afford to go to The Art Institute in Denver, but I'm going back to apply and for a portfolio review because I'll never know if I don't go.

Follow that road to wherever it is you want to be, if it turns out to be a dead end, find another road.

There's not a thing I'd change about you... except... maybe switch to decaf. ;) <3 You. Hang in there.

Carissa Elg said...

Thanks, Guys.I'll hang in there… It'll just take a little time to adjust and get my head back in the game. But it will happen.

(Speaking of happening… not sure where my pretty comment thingy where I could respond individually went. :( Drat.)

At any rate, thanks for listening/reading. Your support means a lot.

L. David Hesler said...

Wow, you nailed what I've been feeling lately, too. Beautifully, by the way.

Those who don't dream will never understand the ones who do.

Make it happen. Or try to make it happen. And then relish the moment they watch you breathe that dream into life.

Sherry Adrian Dumpprope said...

This breaks my heart, Carissa. I don't understand why people feel the need to try and influence the behaviors and decisions of other people. We are all put on this Earth to live out our OWN lives, and that is hard enough without trying to tell someone else how to live theirs. That is not love. That is someone who is unhappy because of the lack of control in his or her life, and so they will try to feel some sense of control over yours in an attempt to feel less helpless.

Anyone who loves you should support your dreams and happiness, enjoy the good times with you, and help pick you up during the bad times. I don't understand, but honestly, I am finally old enough where I gave up trying to understand other people. I have enough just trying to understand myself. If you have any fault, it is that you do not abandon your desire to understand the perspective of others (probably a writer thing!), at the expense of being able to live your own life as happily as you could.

Just remember, I got your back!
"A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body."

Ashley Elizabeth said...

I am also on this road. I recently wrote a blog about making decisions that would make me happier. An absolute uproar ensued. It is with this absolute conviction that you have that will allow you (and I) to succeed. No one needs to understand, eventually our actions will speak louder than our words. Very pleasant and uplifting blog, thanks. :)

Samantha Warren said...

My absolute favorite quote, one I try (and often fail) to live by, is "Be true to yourself and everything will come right." It's from Amy Duncan's Walk Away.

I've heard the word "selfish" used a lot lately. I've know truly selfish people. They have blinders on and don't give a rat's you-know-what about anyone who falls outside those blinders. I've also known people who are accused of being selfish when the fact is that they've given so much to others that it becomes expected, so when they try to focus on themselves for once, they are insulted and abused for it (by people who are truly selfish). Take care of yourself, and the rest will work itself out.

J. A. Bennett said...

You shout it from the rooftops! So many people have a hard time understand those who never give up, why? Because they want to feel justified in the things they've given up on. You keep on truckin' and be as stubborn as possible!

K.T. Hanna said...

This is beautiful. Thoughts and feelings I think a lot of us share. Perhaps I'm being overly emotional lately, but it almost made me cry.

Your words prove how strong you are and how giving up on dreams isn't an option.

Personally, if you have children, I think never giving up on your dreams and aiming high is one of the best examples you could set. There's nothing selfish about it.

Find your dreams, fulfill your dreams and may everything fall into place.

Carissa Elg said...

Thanks for all of your comments, everyone. This year has been an interesting one. Not only for myself, personally, but for my entire world and everyone in it. If anything, I intend to do everything in my power to be true to myself, my path and let the chips fall where they may.

Lauren @ Pure Text said...

Well, I think "a sci-fi genre bending dystopian series" sounds fan-fucking-tastic.

I'm sorry about whoever said these things to you, but I'm glad you didn't buy into any of it.


TL Jeffcoat said...

I'm glad you are strong enough to evaluate your own worth and not let someone else tell you what your worth should be. I've actually had a very close family member mock me, whether intentional or not and this is someone who then complained that I didn't write a blog about her as my muse (like the tribute I wrote to my dying grandmother).

It's like some people are actually afraid that we will actually make our dreams come true. So what if we do? What is so bad about that? And for those who say, be careful what you wish for, I say, careful isn't how Stephen King and Steve Jobs did it. They took chances, they chased their dreams.

Here's to dreams (raises coffee mug), may they fuel our writing forever!

I can't wait to read your book, not just because your one of my favorite Twitter folks, but because it really does sound very interesting.

Keep on writing author sister!

Anonymous said...

As I see it, it comes down to this: how much are you willing to sacrifice? Because the reality is that NOBODY is going to give a shit about you following your muse. Everybody wants everybody else to have to do the same bullshit they have to do. When you try to step outside those boundaries, to truly take a risk to express yourself as something more than just some underpaid barista or retail clerk, you are taking a risk that they dont want to take on. But it will ALWAYS be risk. And it is solely on you alone to decide how much you need that THING you are going after. Just know on the front end that there will be sacrifice, there will be loss. And possibly no reward? But, on the other end....we live but one time....and regardless of yr initial decision, you will eventually fall into yr True Calling.

Anonymous said...

Where the strict definition of narcissism can initially be seen as negative, I think that it can be a very positive concept as well. Where the delivery may be hurtful, if you step back to examine it, its just more of the same control imposed on women from time eternal. A man would be perceived as "ambitious" and "dedicated to career". A woman is perceived, doing the exact same thing, as "selfish", "egoic". Unfortunately women are all too often still expected to fit within a confined definition of place & position. Often this restriction is imposed on women by women. Not saying that it's to be mean or even controlling - it's a still blatant societal norm of how women are defined. You know whether you are putting yourself first at the detriment of your family ~ only you should be the judge. Women are proclaimed "selfish" as if that's a bad thing. Can you imagine a man saying "I can't go to a conference because I need to stay home or I'm a bad husband/father?" When will we be able to pursue our own lives and careers as individuals and be known for who we are and stop being known as someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's mother? We have our own name. We have our own dreams and we have a right to our careers. Why does this society still impose this archaic way of thinking? One of these generations, it will change. But hopefully for the good of all and not to the reverse of what's already wrong. Would hate to see the roles reversed to where now the men have the problem we women have had for thousands of years.

tddfn said...

How can someone who loves you not want you to reach your dream! A creative person has to create or they whither away! it's great to be a person who takes a chance to create something something new! Not many of us can do that! Don't let anyone bring you down cause they don't get it! They never will get it so keep doing it for you(and the lucky us who will get to read it)!Wish i were as articulate as the rest of your friends but you have my support Carissa!

cherie said...

Wow, girl. I'm sorry something like this had to happen to you. I hope you know that you DO have worth and you don't need anyone to tell you or validate your worth because you have it whatever people may say.

It's tough when someone we love disagrees with what we want or desire. It's hard because we think we know them so well, only to find we really don't. At the same time, we have to really keep an open mind and look at this from a different angle. Maybe this person who loves you is only saying these things so you can consider your options? Maybe they're thinking: we love you and we've seen how hard this has been on you, and we think it's not totally foolish to consider other options. They must have a side to their story, right?

I can see that you're passionate about writing and with Pendomus. Maybe they too need to see this passion? I'm just throwing thoughts out here with the hope that one of them may help you or mean something to you and your situation.

Good luck and I hope you get this sorted out soon. <3

Anita Grace Howard said...

Good girl for standing up for your dream! How can you be a good parent, wife, daughter, whatever, if you're unhappy ... unsatisfied, with life. But if you're striving with a goal in mind, THAT'S living. And it's a good example for your kiddos, too. Go to that conference in Georgia. I have a feeling it's going to open so many doors to your dream!

Jacquelyn said...

Aw, that sucks! People who aren't dreamers always want to try to bring those who are back down to 'reality' to maintain the status quo. The ambitions of dreamers make them uncomfortable.

Don't let anyone tell you what you do isn't worthwhile or that you are undeserving. It's your life, not theirs. You need to live it for YOU.

Hope things get better. :)

T.S. Welti said...

You are a good mother and person. You are a highly imaginative and talented writer. What you are not is narcissistic. I know I don't know you in this thing we call "real life", but I'm a pretty observant person.

Sometimes, two people who are very different don't discover this until something or someone comes along to shine a light on those differences. There's nothing wrong with that and neither party is right or wrong. The fact that you have come to this realization and had the strength to confront it means you are stronger than most people in your situation.

There's nothing wrong with dreaming. People are constantly telling me I dream too big. I don't give a shit, and you shouldn't either. One foot on the ground and one in the clouds. That's the only way to take a step up. <3