Query Away!

So, it's done! FINALLY!

Seems like I've waited a long damn time to say this... but Pendomus is officially in the query stage! *breaks open champagne and does the snoopy dance*

Snoopy Dancing Xander

I've started stage one of my query process:

1. Hit up the people who wanted to see it after the Moonlight and Magnolias conference last year. 

That means the fantastically funny Jessica Faust from BookEnds and sooper sweet Leah Hultenschmidt from Sourcebooks have the manuscript. Whether or not anything will come of it, has yet to be seen, but I can't wait to hear back. Good or bad.

My additional list of agents to query to is growing and I plan to continue the process this week, as there may be agents more suited to my genre-bending style of writing. (I'm like a ninja, ya know!)

Now that this process has begun, I'd like to start having a weekly blog post about Pendomus. The series itself has a lot going on from world building to character development and even sciencey stuff no one has ever heard of. (Can you say tardigrades, anyone?)

So far, this will be a 10 part series, but perhaps more if my brain conjures up more to discuss... or if there seems to be interest.

With that in mind, I want to kick off this Friday, January 4th, with a blog about tidally-locked planets. What they are, what that damn phrase means, and why it relates to Pendomus.

Are you ready to learn some cool stuff?

One Year Ago... My Life Began.

When I look back on the past year... Even amidst all the trials and tribulations, there has been so many things to be blissfully happy about. For me, 2012 has gone both exceeding fast and excruciatingly slow. It's sorta odd that it can be both, but I'm here to tell you, it really can.

One year ago, my life diverged from its previously implied and intended course and meandered down a winding side road I never, not in a million years, expected. The side road widened into an alternate reality- one that I would eventually accept as my new destiny.
 
December 2nd, 2011was the day my (now) husband, Colin, stepped off a plane from England with the conscious decision to enter my life. It couldn't have been easy for him. We'd met on Twitter, of all places, and he was leaving behind everyone and everything he'd ever known to... what? Take a chance on someone? If that wasn't bad enough, being with me has had its share of costs, many of which continue to this day.

For me, it was also a crazy time. I was going through a divorce and my life was a mess. Though I didn't leave my country, I may as well have. I walked away from everything I'd known my entire adult life, in the hopes of forging a better future for myself and my children. Despite the fact that everything in my world was tipped upside down, Colin embraced the chaos and helped me make sense of it all.

The strange thing about going through a divorce and meeting someone in the midst of it: Everyone assumes you cheated and that was the "real" reason for the breakup. 

It's true, when I met Colin, I was still married. Ironically, neither Colin nor I were looking for what we found in each other and we actually tried to deny it was happening. However, long before I met him, I was struggling with the decision to get divorced from my kid's father, but I hadn't pulled the trigger yet.

Somewhere between meeting in June on Twitter, and just after my birthday (September 3rd) I realized I was falling for him. Many family and friends (who have never bothered to ask for the truth) would like to assume I willfully cheated on my ex, plotting my escape ONLY until I had someone else waiting in the wings. (You know, because I'm a horrible person with no conscience. Well, I guess that makes sense, since they all thought I was a narcissist, anyway.)

However, in reality, the moment I realized my feelings for Colin were flipping from friendship to... something more, I pulled that trigger. Only, at first, it was the wrong trigger. I tried telling Colin we needed to stop talking. It wasn't fair to my ex, nor to Colin... and the conflicting feelings inside were too much to take. The interesting thing was, it broke my heart to tell Colin to stop. It was in that moment, that decision, and more importantly, his reaction, that I realized what REALLY needed to happen. Everything became crystal clear and the very same day, I pulled the trigger on my previous relationship.

For me, it needed to be done regardless of whether or not Colin and I would ever be together. Remember, he was from England and has 3 children he loves deeply-- so at the time, the chances of us ever being together seemed highly improbable to me. I had no idea a few short months later, he'd be landing on my doorstep.

The next few months were a whirlwind. I went to Georgia for the Moonlight and Magnolia's Conference, as I had intended months before. I worked hard at getting the house I was moving into ready for me and my children. But then, something surprising happened. Colin decided he wanted to be with me. Not just talk to me on Skype or through messages, but the in-person-standing-beside-you, kinda be with me. I've learned throughout the past year that once this man makes up his mind, come hell and high water, he will make it happen. Of course, I didn't believe him at first and laughed it off as a "perhaps sometime in the future sorta thing." But he was serious. Now, here we are, one year later... still together. Married, even. Who woulda thought?

Sure as hell wouldn't have been the year-ago me.

Of course, his arrival only implicated us more. Made us look like we'd been planning it all along, but I no longer care. That's the liberating thing about time.

In this past year, I've learned so much. Grown more than I thought possible. But beyond that, I've never been so blissfully in love. So wonderfully loved back. Despite external turmoils, my home life has never been so amazing. And I have one person to thank for that...

I love you, Colin.

More than I ever thought possible. You've shown me proof that miracles do happen.

Soul mates do exist.

And things happen for a reason.

NaNoWriMo Fail

I had high hopes for NaNoWriMo this year...

I wanted to get up at my previously unbearably groggy time-frame of 5am to put pen to paper (or fingertips to keys, as it were...) However, with our trip to England ending on November 4th, I knew in those first few days no amount of wishing would make it happen... I would have to wait until I was peacefully settled into my normal life at home. (Which, in my crazy mind, meant 5am, November 5th.)

Alas, I was misguided.

Amidst jet lag and recouping from being constantly on the go... My brain has yet to catch up with me. I joked on Monday that my body is in Minnesota, but my head is still in England. Here we are on Friday and I think that's still the case! HA!

The good news however, is this: Pendomus, Book 1 is going out the door this weekend. I am cleaning up the formatting and sending it out to the world. So, wish me luck!

With that being my major goal for this week, you can expect a report on the release by the weekend. Once it's been kicked out the door... I mean, gracefully handed off to agents/editors/publishers... my goal is to start writing DAILY for at least an hour. I'm going to concentrate less on word counts and more on the routine of it.

If there's one thing I've learned when it comes to writing and workouts...  

Something is better than nothing. ;)

England; My Initiation into the Andrews Family

In flight to England.

The past week has been an absolute whirlwind... and took me to a whole new level of "first times".

For those of you unaware, my husband is originally from England and immigrated to the United States... to be with me. I know... I know... *swoon*

Stonehenge.

We've been married since February, but since our marriage was more of an elopement, I had yet to meet his friends and family in person. Which includes meeting my step-children for the first time. Colin has three children of his own and although I was unable to meet my step-daughter, we spent the week with Colin's boys traveling around England and Wales.

This was my first international flight, first stamp in my passport, first time in England, first time meeting everyone...

My amazing in-laws.

It was absolutely amazing and something I will never, ever forget.

One thing that really struck me is how absolutely phenomenal Colin's family and friends are. They are all loving, supportive and they immediately passed that love on to me. Not once did I ever feel unwelcome or displaced and to each of them I am so grateful.

Colin hasn't been so lucky with my family - they've been distant, abrasive and often times outright rude to the both of us. They don't understand our choices and make no effort at all to. They alienate us and then wonder why we don't like being around them. In fact, I feel like my ex-husband and his girlfriend have pretty much taken our place in my family's lives. But that's another story.

Silliness abounds.

I realize now that I have a larger family - a group of people who actually care about my new life with Colin. Even if my side doesn't. And those are the people I intend to put my focus into. Those are the people I am most grateful for.

So, as we go into this Thanksgiving season, I am going to be thinking of my new family and the gratitude I have for them.

I am officially and completely, an Andrews.

Where'd the time go?

Whoa. 

I'm not entirely sure when it happened. Probably somewhere between flying by the seat of my pants and changing my last name.

Two years ago today, my baby, the brain-child that is Pendomus, landed in my head.

My first rendition of Runa.

Two.

It's hard to believe so much time has passed since my main character Runa's first inception;

I had been playing with my kids outside on a chilly October morning (Duh, Carissa... two years ago today. But I digress...) The sunlight was flitting through the broken, stain-glass leaves above... I was peacefully minding my own business, oblivious that a young girl and her entire world would pierce my day and never let go of my heart.

She wasn't quiet. She wasn't serene. 

Instead, Runa was escaping. 

She needed a way out and she needed it now. Her voice was so strong, so clear, that I knew this was how I needed to start Pendomus.

I've gotten feedback from some of my beta readers to consider changing the opening sequence. For some, having a girl running away isn't a strong enough connection. Why should you care about her? Why should you care that she's running away, even?

I've given it a lot of thought and I guess, the answer is simple.

It's not about you.

For me, as the vessel of this story, it isn't about the reader. It's about my connection to Runa and dammit, she wanted to be introduced that way.

Call me crazy, and perhaps there's a valid case to be made there (HA!), but I need to be true to her. So, pardon me if I say I really could care less about formulaic novel writing. (Says the crazy woman after writing a post about plotting her next books... heehee...) I care about staying true to my vision. The voices in my head and the world they bring with them.

So anyway... it is with Runa in mind (and heart) that I say...

"Happy Inception Day, Runa! I have been forever changed because of you."

Where'd I put my pants?

Whichever way… keep writing.

I realized something not long ago.

I've lost my pants.

Yep, you read that right. Lost 'em.

No, not like that, you nutters… In the realm of writing! ;)

With Pendomus (Book 1), I had no clue what I was doing. I got an idea, heard about NaNoWriMo and took off running with my pants around my ankles... Or something like that. 

I took notes. LOTS and LOTS of notes. But things about the story still surprised me.

The characters, for one. 

I had no idea who the players of my book were going to be. I only knew of a young girl who was lonely and didn't fit in. At the time, she was much younger than she has now turned out to be. Fourteen is where she started out, in fact. But as the story grew, I realized she needed to be older for the story to work.

Why? Because of the other characters who walked into the scene. Quite literally.

I was writing along, happily minding my own business and it was sort of, "Oh? Who are you people?"

So I fleshed them out… gave them their own lives, their stories. Once that was set, the scenes played out as they wanted… I let the characters go wherever. Do whatever.

Which, in a sense was fun, but was also, as it has turned out… harder for me in the editing phase. Pendomus doesn't follow the typical rise and fall. While I know where I am going with the story, there are many things that happen - but get left for a later time for resolution. I, as the author, know they are not forgotten. But how will the reader know? You know?

From my betas, that is the biggest hurdle I need to over come with Book 1 before it's ready to be published. I need to make sure the readers know I am not dropping things…

Because of this, it has come to my attention that my pants have been left behind for a bolder, more organized, Plottery-type me.

I am mapping out the plots of Book 2 and 3. In fact, I'm even mapping out the plot, retrospectively, for Book 1. In addition, I've been working on another story… something to take my mind off of Pendomus, to push myself back into writing. That, too, I've plotted.

So… how do you all feel? Are you plottery-type people? Pansting it?

Which one works for you and why?

Refreshing...

I know, I know… it's been a while. Again. LOL!

Well, these things happen.

On the upside, I've been getting a lot done. Hell, a lot more than I was before I started working full time. Which is, in itself, sorta weird.

Last time I wrote, I was having trouble with it. Trouble getting my grove on whilst working.

While I am still hit or miss on writing in book two, come the ass-crack o'clock, I am making headway with final edits from my betas for book one. I'm 1/3 of the way through with it, as a matter of fact. But the biggest thing coming out of this final pass is this:

I am regaining my sense of excitement for the book, the world and my characters. 

I have a clear direction to what I need to fix for book one so I can move on to the crazy writing of book two. Book two even has it's skeletal outline ready to go. (Be watchful of a blog post on that coming up. Pantsing it, versus Plotting it.)

Within this realm of revitalization and reintegration of Pendomus into my daily life… I've decided that my hub- this blog- needed its own refreshing. So, you may notice some changes that have taken place. A new look and feel - but still carrying forward similar colors, as they tie in to Pendomus so well.

I hope this update makes things easier to use. Easier to find. Easier to read.

I can't promise to blog as often as I should, but I will try to do it as often as I can.

MISSING: Time

Wow, writing and editing when you have a day job is hard. 


Honestly, I never thought it would be. I knew I would have less time… sure. That's obvious. But I never expected the soul crushing lack of energy that comes with it. 


Since starting my job, I've had absolutely no motivation to write. 


I've gotten feedback on Pendomus from some of my dear friends and fellow authors, Pavarti and T.S. Welti. They inspire me to get back to it. To find the time to write and edit. With some fantastic feedback from each, I feel like I can really do that. If only...


Time has been sticking out its tongue at me, fingerstips crammed into its ears saying, "Na-nananana! Yooooou can't catch me!"


I know I was lucky before to have time on my side. To be able to write during the day and make it my focus. Now, I have a lot to juggle inside that little bubble and so far… I've been failing at including writing into it.


I am also acutely aware that my plight is not mine alone. Many artists and authors work day jobs to support their artistry. I've heard to work on my lunch break, but I am already working out then… Or write when the kids are in bed, however, at that time my brain has all but shut down. My plan is to start getting up and hour earlier to write. That worked for me a year ago… I think it will work again now. 


But I have to come up with a game plan. To be completely honest with myself, I'm getting bored with Pendomus, book 1. I've been living it for nearly 2 years. While I know there are things to change and edit, I am giving it up for a while. 


Yes, you read that right. I GIVE UP. -- Just not like that. I give up trying to make Book 1 perfect before moving forward. Sometimes, I think it's okay to move forward while some things are still unresolved. Who knows? It may make for a better series if I can see more into the future of it. 


So, with that in mind, I am stepping out of book 1 to start book 2. 


I will hold all of my critiques and beta suggestions for when I can do them all at once. What do you think? Am I insane?


To those of you working, how do you manage? Do you have any tips? How do you stay motivated and focused?

Monday Ramblings...

Have you ever started off a week feeling… insignificant?

Well, that's me today. Bleh.

Life gets over-run with chaos. Time-munching activities eat away at the things that really and truly matter.

Since starting my new job, I've done a lot of internal assessment on what matters.

Family. Friends. Time with them.

Don't get me wrong… I enjoy my new job. It utilizes a lot of my capabilities. It challenges me.

But it does deny me the one thing I miss most. Time.

It's weird how you realize how much something matters when it's no longer there.

Yesterday, I had a horrendous headache most of the day. I plastered my butt to the couch and sat watching a Gilmore Girls marathon while my husband had an afternoon with his boys on Skype. Their mom doesn't want me talking to them anyway, so I thought it would make me feel better watching a show that makes me smile… hell, I needed a good laugh. But it didn't help. It made me think about my own life and the lack of true friends I have in it. The lack of community I have surrounding me.

Truthfully, I've never really had that, despite my deep desire for it. I've had people in my life, the illusion of friendship… But as soon as our relationship gets hard, or they don't agree with something, they disappear. I have very few people in my life who have managed to stay the course. Sherry, my beta-reader-extraordinaire is the only one.

One friend in all my years who has stood by me, despite falling out. 

Am I that hard to get along with? That hard to love?

Maybe so.

Maybe I expect too much?

In today's society, the condition is to be so busy you can barely find time to plan a meal, let alone time for a frivolous call a friend you've been thinking about.

Then put it into context - broader even… who am I to feel sorry for myself? I have a fantastic husband whom I love deeply. I see my kids half the week and get to physically hold them, kiss them. Things are finally getting easier financially, thanks to our new jobs…

I know I should count my blessings. I really do. But I wish I lived in a world like Stars Hollow. I wish I had people who stopped by unannounced, who knew where the coffee pot was and would make a cup before even letting me know they were over… People who called for no reason other than to chat and catch up. I wish I had people to laugh with, roll my eyes at and sometimes run from when I see walking toward me.

I don't know… Is that too much to ask?

Endings and Beginnings

Holy. Crap.

I think I'm done with Pendomus.

The ending of this book has been plaguing me for what feels like forever, dragging me along, limping and moaning as I try to break free of it and move forward.

Today, I finally put the past behind me.

Ironically, this day is an ending in many other ways. I'm leaving a job I've worked for the past 3 years to move on to something more in line with my history and background and tomorrow will be my first day. I'm on the precipice of this edge, no longer wishing to look back, but more than ready to move forward.

The job I leave behind was a good one -- allowing me to work with family and have my children with me. But it was not meant to be permanent. It was a holding pattern until I could find myself again.

Today, I take this moment to realize my accomplishments and all that I've managed to do in the past year. I'm finally able to let go of this story… let someone else take a closer look, so I can start writing my new story… the parts of Pendomus that haven't been written yet. The parts still locked up inside my mind.

Today I'm finally done with the past. Tomorrow, I begin anew.

A Beautiful Lie

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm some freakish anomaly.

When people completely support me, telling me the things I think I want to hear… ("You can do it!")

… *sigh* … It's when I struggle most.

It's like there's an internal switch that goes… "Oh. Well, I guess I won't surprise anybody by doing ______."

And truth be told, I loooooove to surprise people.

Probably because I love to be surprised.

If there's one thing that doesn't happen enough in this world, it's surprises.

At least, not in intentional kind.

Since setting my deadline to finishing the last chapter - I have worked on it. But I haven't finished the edit. My goddamn deadline of finishing the whole enchilada (meaning, the ending) by the end of the month still holds… but I've been regrouping. Reorganizing my brain. 

I realized my notes for Pendomus where one big cluster of snarly-gnarly crap. Along with my folder on my desktop. So, I did what any sane person would do… I took a day to reorganize.

I looked at a bazillion notes. A bazillion and two folders. Nine-thousand pictures (no, not really that many… yeesh!).

Evernote is my brain.

But I DID listen to close to 150 voice recordings that I'd taken of myself… rambling on like a lunatic. (I swear, if I say "obviously" one more time in a recording, I'm gonna shoot myself.) I've regrouped my entire list of stuff, separating it into manageable packets of information. I've even instilled the help of Evernote.

Mindnode rocks the
brainstorming scene!

(What can I say? I outgrew pieces of paper and an excel spreadsheet. HA!)

With Evernote, I can organize my thoughts more effectively and find them at quicker speed. Whoever invented that program is a GENIUS! Combine that with MindNode Pro and I am in BUSINESS!


But… that still leaves me with this looming deadline and at least 2 1/2 chapters to rework/rewrite before July 1.

So, with that in mind…

Could someone tell me it's impossible, so I can get on with it and prove you wrong??

Platform Plateau

I've lost it. Oh, gawd…

No, no… my brain seems to be back after a year on hiatus.

Gee, I wish I could add a sound effect.

Unfortunately, however, my platform motivation is gone.

I don't know what it is… maybe life getting in the way. Perhaps boredom in the same stuff. Twitter, facebook, blog… only to start over again.

Maybe, I just don't have much to say.

Whatever the reason… my heart or my shoes… Wait, no, that's not it. *scratches head* Different story. Heehee...

Anyhoo… I need to regain my role as an author. Reclaim my voice.

So… it's within that sentiment, I reinstate yet another…


Goddamn Deadlines.

Yep.

That.

I'm in the final chapters. The "big battle", as it were. This is not the time to be all namby pamby about finishing.

As Jillian would say, "You don't get to the ending and quit. The end is when you finish, STRONG."

So, suck it up, buttercup and here we go…

My latest deadline will be as follows:

I WILL finish editing and writing the final battle by Saturday, June 9th.

And be completely done with editing and writing Pendomus as a whole by Saturday, June 30th.

Wish me luck!

The Birth of Beta Reader Extraordinaire

So… there's this girl I met… waaaaaaaaayyyyyyy back when I was a youngun'. 

I think I described the experience. Yep, yessirie bob… I sure did. 

Right here.

Well, at any rate, that crazy woman has something special goin' on today. I can't remember what it is, but it's significant, I know it is. No, no… she's not having a baby. She did that already on April 4th. I don't think it's possible to have another one so close. Wouldn't that be something…?? I mean… talk about a feat. That's like lifting the Empire State Building or eating a whole bowl of ice cream in 10 seconds. 

Heehee… I mean… no… I don't think that was it.

It could be that she's planning to be the first woman to run around the world… backward. Or possible chew the largest wad of bubblegum… Make the craziest animal shaped pancake… Nah. I don't think that's it either.

*scratches head*

You know… maybe it was her magical skills at making it be the only NON-rainy day in a week. 

Just because. 

Yeah… yeah… maybe that's it. 

Hmmm… but then the question begs an answer… 

WHY?

Why a sunny day now? Why THIS day?

Must have something to do with all these candles exterminating the darkness...

Happy Birthday to my bestest friend. May her day be filled with light and laughter…

...and may I not get punched for being so obnoxious. HA!

LURVE YA, Beta Reader Extraordinaire! <3

Matter of Opinion

Everyone seems to have an opinion on what I should be doing. How I should be handling life.

And regardless of what I do, someone… somewhere… thinks I've done it wrong.

It's starting to get really flippin' old.


I'm continually pushed from all directions, squeezed until I can no longer breathe or find the oxygen I need to be me.

Instead, I become a shell of myself… keeping all but those on a "need to know basis" out of the loop and in turn, denying myself the ability to live life the way I would. The way I want.

Don't get me wrong. Some of the changes are wonderful. Some opinions matter more than others.

Overall, life has been fantastic.

But the last few days have been hard again. Maybe it's just growing pains. Maybe it's just a rebalance of energy… of life. People push and I have to find the strength to push back.

See, the stupid thing is, I get myself into this mess… because I care.

I care about my family's opinion. I care about my husband's opinion… my kids', my friend's. And when they clash in their opinion, no matter what I do, someone will be upset with me. And really… the only one hurt is me. I feel like no matter what I do, no matter what I choose-- even if I know it's right-- it will be somehow, some way… wrong.

After a while… it wears on you.

It's as if I'm not allowed to have my own opinion. My own life. Make my own decisions.

But I'm done with that.

This is my life.

The only opinion that matters in the end is mine. I will take all others into consideration, make no mistake.

But do not ever make me feel guilty for differing my opinion from yours.

It doesn't make you wrong. It doesn't make me wrong.

It makes me independent.

The Lucky 7 Meme & Excerpt from Pendomus

It's been a while since I was tagged in a fun Meme…  but today I was tagged by the lovely Abby Geiger and I thought this would be a fun one to play along with. 

The idea is to take either page 7 or page 77 of your current manuscript and give an excerpt for people to read. 

What I've decided to post is from page 7 of the very first chapter of Pendomus. Enjoy. 

                                                     -----------------------------

Maybe Baxten’s right. Maybe I’m broken.

I never should have told him of my plan to escape— to live in the woods. I suppose a part of me figured he’d be thrilled. Instead, he laughed at me.

"Right. You plan on going to live out there with the Morph? Its evolutionary leap defied nature. No one can predict what it's capable of now and no little girl is going to stand a chance against it. Not to mention, there's no RationCaps in the woods. It's not as if food grows on dead trees, you know."

Halting my progress to nowhere in particular, I crumple down, curling into a ball in the freezing snow. 

-----------------------------

So, here's the rules if you want to play:
1. Go to page 7 or 77 of your manuscript
2. Go to line 7
3. Copy down the next seven lines or sentences
4. Tag 7 people

Here's my list of people I'm poking in hopes they also play along:

1.) Anita Howard

2.) Aryn Youngless

3.) Brett DaSilva

4.) Pavarti K Tyler

5.) Amber Sweeney

6.) Gina Penn 

7.) K. T. Hanna

Are you ready?

Prepare your brain

After discussing my last blog on writer's block with my husband, he brought up an interesting thought...

Perhaps the conventional idea of writer's block is all wrong.

What if it's just our brain's way of saying…

You're not ready yet.

Sounds simple, doesn't it?

I believe, particularly in our culture, we have a tendency to want to rush everything.
(Go, go, go…!)

Then, when burn out happens, shock sets in; i.e. How in the blue blazes can the flow just stop?!

The ideas and suggestions I received on I(dent)ity Crisis were helpful, though. In part, because, when I think about it, they were treating that exact problem in the correct manner. By focusing the brain and making it work for the solution.

My favorite was to close yourself in your bedroom and play music fitting to the scene you're trying to write. Watch it play out. Visualize it. Manifest it.

I do most of that normally anyway… but while writing. The idea of sitting in a room to ONLY visualize seems like a great way to reconnect to the world and I intend to try it out later today. However, in the vein of not forcing things to happen beyond their own time… I also want to allow for the flow to return on it's own accord. Meaning…

I'm open to... nothing.

Maybe I sit. I visualize and still, nothing happens. Maybe I get great ideas, but the writing doesn't hit the page. That's okay. Because it's in this realm of thought that I can find peace again.

I know this story will unfold.

When it's ready.

When I'm ready.