I told myself I would maintain my sense of self. My writing. My creativity… during this identity change of mine.
Unfortunately, I have failed at some of that (so far).
And it's a hard pill to swallow. With my path transitioning from one form to the next, I've found myself floundering with writing, with creativity. I mean, how many times have I said that I would be finishing Pendomus by now? (Here's a hint; too many to count.)
The lull of my story… the melody singing in my soul... nearly faded to a dull whisper in the background because I didn't have the tools to call it back. Not yet.
I stopped worrying about everything beyond the immediate. Kids. Husband. Bills. Food. I suppose, in many ways, it was my mind's way of dealing... Retreating in on itself and going into protection mode. As I've stated before… there's been a backlash from my decisions, as I knew there would be. People who cannot or will not understand the drastic measures to which I've taken to live a happier life.
But that time has past.
Life has progressed and new routines are in the inklings of establishment. The new roadmap for the future is starting to unfold and I can see more clearly now. It's a relief because for a while, I worried whether I'd ever return completely to writing. But how could I get THAT far… the ending no less, only to let it go?
I continue to have pangs of guilt every time I workout and listen to Jillian Michaels say, "You don't stop before the finish line… that's when you break into a sprint."
Because I know I can do this. I know I can get it done…
but the writer's block has been brutal.
I'm getting ideas again. Seeing correlations in the day to day movements of life. Ways to incorporate them into my creative writing. And you know what? It feels good.
I've had some fantastic support in the form of betas - Pavarti, in particular, got my mind going again and I cannot thank her enough. The world has started to color itself again due to her feedback. Not to mention my wonderful husband and Beta-Reader-Extraordinaire. These are people I could not live without. Their love and support is invaluable.
I want to also thank each of you. Those who continue to support me, large and small, through the Facebook and Twitterverses. Right here on my blog. Your support means a lot.
Now… a quick question… What are your recommendations for overcoming writer's block? I need to get Pendomus done and make sure it's done right. Do you have any tips for blending two variations of the same end into one?
Hell, do you think it's normal to struggle so much during a life transition like mine?