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Sunday, December 2, 2012

One Year Ago... My Life Began.

When I look back on the past year... Even amidst all the trials and tribulations, there has been so many things to be blissfully happy about. For me, 2012 has gone both exceeding fast and excruciatingly slow. It's sorta odd that it can be both, but I'm here to tell you, it really can.

One year ago, my life diverged from its previously implied and intended course and meandered down a winding side road I never, not in a million years, expected. The side road widened into an alternate reality- one that I would eventually accept as my new destiny.
 
December 2nd, 2011was the day my (now) husband, Colin, stepped off a plane from England with the conscious decision to enter my life. It couldn't have been easy for him. We'd met on Twitter, of all places, and he was leaving behind everyone and everything he'd ever known to... what? Take a chance on someone? If that wasn't bad enough, being with me has had its share of costs, many of which continue to this day.

For me, it was also a crazy time. I was going through a divorce and my life was a mess. Though I didn't leave my country, I may as well have. I walked away from everything I'd known my entire adult life, in the hopes of forging a better future for myself and my children. Despite the fact that everything in my world was tipped upside down, Colin embraced the chaos and helped me make sense of it all.

The strange thing about going through a divorce and meeting someone in the midst of it: Everyone assumes you cheated and that was the "real" reason for the breakup. 

It's true, when I met Colin, I was still married. Ironically, neither Colin nor I were looking for what we found in each other and we actually tried to deny it was happening. However, long before I met him, I was struggling with the decision to get divorced from my kid's father, but I hadn't pulled the trigger yet.

Somewhere between meeting in June on Twitter, and just after my birthday (September 3rd) I realized I was falling for him. Many family and friends (who have never bothered to ask for the truth) would like to assume I willfully cheated on my ex, plotting my escape ONLY until I had someone else waiting in the wings. (You know, because I'm a horrible person with no conscience. Well, I guess that makes sense, since they all thought I was a narcissist, anyway.)

However, in reality, the moment I realized my feelings for Colin were flipping from friendship to... something more, I pulled that trigger. Only, at first, it was the wrong trigger. I tried telling Colin we needed to stop talking. It wasn't fair to my ex, nor to Colin... and the conflicting feelings inside were too much to take. The interesting thing was, it broke my heart to tell Colin to stop. It was in that moment, that decision, and more importantly, his reaction, that I realized what REALLY needed to happen. Everything became crystal clear and the very same day, I pulled the trigger on my previous relationship.

For me, it needed to be done regardless of whether or not Colin and I would ever be together. Remember, he was from England and has 3 children he loves deeply-- so at the time, the chances of us ever being together seemed highly improbable to me. I had no idea a few short months later, he'd be landing on my doorstep.

The next few months were a whirlwind. I went to Georgia for the Moonlight and Magnolia's Conference, as I had intended months before. I worked hard at getting the house I was moving into ready for me and my children. But then, something surprising happened. Colin decided he wanted to be with me. Not just talk to me on Skype or through messages, but the in-person-standing-beside-you, kinda be with me. I've learned throughout the past year that once this man makes up his mind, come hell and high water, he will make it happen. Of course, I didn't believe him at first and laughed it off as a "perhaps sometime in the future sorta thing." But he was serious. Now, here we are, one year later... still together. Married, even. Who woulda thought?

Sure as hell wouldn't have been the year-ago me.

Of course, his arrival only implicated us more. Made us look like we'd been planning it all along, but I no longer care. That's the liberating thing about time.

In this past year, I've learned so much. Grown more than I thought possible. But beyond that, I've never been so blissfully in love. So wonderfully loved back. Despite external turmoils, my home life has never been so amazing. And I have one person to thank for that...

I love you, Colin.

More than I ever thought possible. You've shown me proof that miracles do happen.

Soul mates do exist.

And things happen for a reason.





3 comments:

Ray Plasse said...

:D

Lyn Midnight said...

Bless you, Carissa. This is an awesome hindsight post. I love it when I see how much life changes in one year... same for me, if not more so. Keep holding on to Colin and be happy together, always. *hug*

Carissa Andrews said...

Thanks, Lyn… it's been an amazing year… but definitely crazy, too… How has your year been? More crazy than ours? Really? :)