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Monday, October 10, 2011

Future in Flux

I'm going to share something with all of you…

Something I've struggled with sharing for quite a while… and in part because it effects more than just me.

However, I'm nothing, if not honest.

Additionally, I've found the blogosphere and the people who follow me to be intensely supportive and understanding… It's in this vein that I open my life a bit more to you.

First, a little backstory: Pendomus has been my world for a year (to the day, actually… it was conceived in my head like Athena on 10.10.10). It's been, as it turns out, my escape because things inside my mind, inside my home, haven't felt right. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. But the more I escaped, the more I began to realize I was, in many ways… unhappy.

And… well, I like to be happy. LOL!

Here's the thing… I've been married for 13 years… we married young and while I appreciate my husband as a man and dad… I've decided it's best if we went our separate ways as a couple.

I need to reclaim my happiness.

Part of that, is accepting my role-- and believe me, I do. It's taken me this long to realize I am no more matched for him… as he is for me. And that's okay.

For some surrounding me… they're surprised. Those closest to me… not so much.

We (and by that I mean, me) seem to have an idealized, albeit romanticized notion in our heads…

We must meet our one and only true love the first time and that person will be with us until the day we die and nothing will ever, ever go wrong.

But reality chuckles and says… Yeah, good luck with that. 

The thing is, people grow. Sometimes they grow together. Sometimes they grow apart.

There's nothing wrong with it and in all honesty I wouldn't want it any other way. I've grown a lot and I enjoy the person I've become in this past decade.

Additionally, I'm now the type of person who believes people enter (and exit) your life to teach you lessons needing to be learned. There's no judgement with it… the timing is perfect for you and what really matters is how you deal. What you walk away from it all with.

What I do know… We each have a right to be happy within our lives and in our relationships. It is in our direct power to ensure it. We can't control our partners and can only control ourselves. Sometimes, that means taking the reigns and doing what's right for you, even if it can seem selfish to others.

You only get one life to live. Stop living it unhappily.