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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I needed something to sing about.

Life is crazy at the moment… not necessarily in a bad way, just… different. It's more of a; complete flux and trying to find a new state of homeostasis kinda thing. Some areas have, amidst the chaos… been really, really good.

It's strange, because I've found that life doesn't hand you what you want, it hands you what you need.

For the longest time, though I didn't realize it at first… I've been going through the motions. I'm not sure where it all happened. Hell, not even sure WHY it happened. I just know it did.



But I woke up one morning early this year, wondering…

Is this all there is? 

Have you ever gotten like this?

It took me most of the year to process. To really wrap my head around why I was dissatisfied with the state of my life.

I felt frozen.

Frozen in time. Frozen in heart. Frozen… even in mind.

I know I talked about the fact that my husband and I have separated and are going through a divorce. And while the upheaval of that has been, at times, a bit crazy… the energy is moving again.


I'm moving again…

Literally, even. I'm in the midst of moving into a house that needs renovations done. So, my time and energy has been spent getting that prepared.

However, I'm starting to get new ideas for book 2… I've taken notes and gotten them logged… but as of yet, I still need to finish the last 4 chapters of book 1. Until this moving process is finished, I know I won't be able to get back into the world and devote the time I need to to write. But I can feel Pendomus… in the back of my mind, growing strength again. Even though I can't get to it yet, knowing that it's percolating there… it gives me hope.

But what I lack in writing, I've been gaining in inner peace.

I have one person to thank for that. One person that has helped me open my eyes to all the possibilities the future can still hold and his wisdom means more than I can ever properly express.

To bring this post full (Buffy) circle…

Turns out,

I just needed something to sing about








4 comments:

Di said...

Sing it!!

Ava Jae said...

I'm really glad to hear you've found some inner peace and happiness. Don't worry about the writing--you know what's best for you right now.

KendallGrey said...

Sorry I'm so late. Tonight is the first time I've even looked at my RSS feed since Nano started. It's a horrible time for blogging,--for my own blog and those of my friends.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear you're making some progress and getting settled. I know it's gotta be tough, but you're a tough chick, so you'll be fine. Miss talking to you. Maybe when November and December hurry up and get gone, things will settle for everyone, and we can all get back into some kind of routine.

I'm thinking about you, my friend! Holler if you need a chat or a vent. Any time!

KAP

Ciara Ballintyne said...

I love that episode of Buffy. I think there really is quite a lot significant in it.

It's ironic, I got through my divorce by doing weekly karaoke!