Do you believe in transformations?

Things have been a little more dramatic in my world than I ordinarily like. Too many ups and downs and internal civl wars to feel secure in anything...

That said, I really haven't written much in the past two weeks. And I miss it. Instead, I have been focused inward and trying to make sense of the confusion in my life and what's going on with it all. Does this ever happen to you? One day you wake up and you are soooo done. Done with the BS. Done with the trend parts of your life seems to be on and the direction it's going?

That was me.

It still is, but I'd like to say that by facing it head on, there is some transformative powers at play here. That by turning to face it, rather than running from it, there is a power there to make a positive change for the better. To move into a better future. One that was only not possible before, but not even a gleam in your eye because it was never even acknowledged. Never realized.

I don't know how this will play out. I don't know if the new direction that things seem to be trending will work out. I just know that regardless, things will be better in the end. They have to. Because things just were not working before. I'd like to think that this transformative quality is being imbued upon my entire family unit - but ultimately, the only one I can control is myself. So either things will work, or they won't. But right now, there are steps that need to be taken to work toward a common goal.

It will either be so transformative that it will shake my world as I know it. Or it won't. But now I know I have the strength to let the chips fly and I'm okay with wherever they land.

Who Am I Living For?

I've only recently started looking into Katy Perry... but today I downloaded her Teenage Dream album. Not sure why or what really called me to do it. Maybe the song Firework? But regardless, I started to listen to the album while working on ads for my other job (one of many hats) and this song resonated so loudly that I had to stop and search the lyrics and listen to it over - not distracted.


Who Am I Living For?


Yeah eh yeah yeah
I can feel a phoenix inside of me
As I march alone to a different beat
Slowly swallowing down my fear, yeah yeah

I am ready for the road less traveled
Suiting up for my crowning battle
This test is my own cross to bare
But I will get there

It’s never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called
Standing on the frontline when the bomb starts to fall
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name

I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?

I can feel this lightness inside of me
Growing fast into a bolt of lightning
I know one spark will shock the world, yeah yeah

So I pray for a favour like Esther
I need your strength to handle the pressure
I know there will be sacrifice
But that’s the price

It’s never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called
Standing on the frontline when the bomb starts to fall
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name

I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?

I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?

At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?

Heavy is the head that wears the crown
Don’t let the greatness get you down
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
Don’t let the greatness get you down, oh, oh yeah

I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?

I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?

At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?


So the question becomes... Who am I living for?

The Seed of this World

She speaks to me, flesh biten riddles and colorful roses

The tides turn uninterrupted and squelched 

Disturbed but uninhibited, the feelings arouse

Persistent and longingly as they circle in sequence

Somewhere in space and time is this place

Where only those who know her can enter 

Random and orderly the two coincide

Unable to exist without the other

A jumbled mess of uniform thoughts

Instincts that go beyond all bounds

She asks me to see this place

Dig a little deeper, she whispers

Understand the circumstances that arise

The framework unhinged, skin left blistering

Time fades away and all that's left... is 

Absent in love and open in mind leads only to the dead inside

Be open 

Be ready

Be free

The world appears finite, yet the infinite knows better

Clinging to the flesh dripping fear of the past

All boundaries are alone man made

A disease of the dysfunction we adhere to

She ignites my mind with her electric fingertips

Lapping up all reasons for self-doubt

She insists on something else instead

The blossom of life and its seed of this world...

Begins as nothing more than a seed