And the smoothing continues...

So... I've been sick the past couple of weeks which has hindered the progress of my novel. I'm nearly done, but I'm in the smoothing out phase. For some reason, it's not nearly as much fun as writing it the first time around. I think it's the left brain vs. right brain stuff. I want to be creative because ordinarily, I'm a very detail oriented, organized person. But, then when I'm sick, my brain operates differently. I go from being my normal, upbeat self to something more akin to the First Evil on Buffy. LOL! Discernment flies out the window and I'm just down right obnoxious.


Suddenly, everything I think sucks and I go into a train of thought where my world turns dark. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing... just not in the way that makes for a good writing experience. Though, I took some time to think through my villain and how he perceives the world, so I guess it's all good! HA!


Luckily, I'm getting better. I've had a few epiphanies in the past couple days on things I was missing and ways I can change the flow. I've had to set things aside in order to do it, which does not always sit well with me. I'm a doer and when I'm not doing... I get antsy.


On the upside, I've written in the first half of a new chapter today (one that I didn't realize was missing) and it's helped me tremendously connect to my male character and where he should be mentally in the story. It's so weird how when you write something for a week that happens over a couple hours in a book, you lose focus. Even when you go back and reread. So strange.


But I need to regain that focus... this sucker is a 100,000+ word epic. I need to get my proverbial shit together! There are too many strings that need to be tied from too many directions to lose focus now.


And as Jillian Michaels says, "Why would you chose failure when success is an option?"


So, I'm choosing success.


I'm gonna get past this freakin' head cold of doom and come out on the other side a more focused woman. One capable of painting an entirely new world that will resonate in the hearts and minds of those it needs to reach.


The day is coming.

A time to look back, a time to move forward

I'm reaching a point in my novel where the end is in sight and I'm beginning to rethink my approach. I have a lot left to accomplish, but I'm getting stuck by the desires of others and the confusion in my own head.

I'm finding that for this phase, I may need to walk the path alone a bit. To sit with the story and really understand where it is I want to take the reader. What is necessary to divulge, what isn't? I love my friend's feedback and their love and interest in my characters... but it's leading to a confusion about who they really are in my head.

I know everyone has their own opinion and I know that everyone takes with them what they need... So I can't appease everyone. I need to write what I would like to read - not what I think others would like to read.

So, for that reason... I'm closing the gateway, so to speak.

I need some time to sit with my characters and finish the book - alone. Perhaps going back to the beginning and cleaning things up before finishing the ending. I think by then, I will know the goal - the way it is TRULY supposed to go and I will be doing it for myself. They way I want it to be and no one else.

For my devoted, supportive friends/fans... don't take this as a slight. I love you. I just want to write the ending that this deserves and make you proud. But that means pulling myself inward and finding where it needs to go for the story's sake.