Innamorati

Time is too slow for those who wait,

too swift for those who fear,

too long for those who grieve,

too short for those who rejoice,

but for those who love, 

time is eternity. 

~Henry Van Dyke

This day… this moment in time will be forever burned in my mind.

It's the moment when I walked a new path laid out for me… golden steps twinkling and cherubs singing… 

It was a moment I had not dreamed of. I hadn't known to. Hadn't realized could be.  

Yet… it was perfect in all it encompassed.

My new life started well before February 21st, 2012… It started the moment my now husband, Colin, wandered into my life. But this moment… 

This moment balanced it all. 

The ups and downs. The crazy with the serene.

This moment… was bliss.

February 21st, 2012. <3

A World of Change

If someone told me a year ago…

I would be divorced, lost close friends over perceptions, living in my parent's second home and working with an immigration attorney because I'm about to marry a man originally from England, whom I happen to have met on Twitter…

I would have called the mental institution. 

But this is how my life has played out.

Don't get me wrong. I knew last year that things were not right in my previous marriage. I knew there were things I had to change in order to reclaim my own personal happiness. That's not to say that life was all bad, it wasn't.

But it wasn't satisfying.

It was missing something that my soul was longing for and I couldn't make that soul song quiet down. Something was pulling me… or rather, as time when on, it turns out, someone.

I met the most amazing man in the oddest of places - Twitter.

Since December, he's been in the United States with me. Unless you've experienced something like this, I cannot properly express how beautiful life has been with him. How seamless - even amidst the craziness. How in sync we are with each other. It's been as if we've known each other all along. There's been no question of "Is this right." Instead, we are just one day away from being married and I can't wait!

The past six months of my life have been a whirlwind. Or maybe just a complete daze.

Now that things are winding down, I'm allowing myself some time to look back. To reflect and recognize how far I've come. How far my life has come. How my world has changed.

Honestly, I'm surprised with myself. And actually, quite proud that what I've done; I've done for the right reasons.

So everyone involved -- not just me -- could be happy.

Even if for now, there is only a handful of people who see it… I know the truth inside myself.

There are, however, elements in this I could not have foreseen as I took those first few steps on this new journey... I've lost people I thought were close close friends because they couldn't look outside the box of what they deemed normality. Because they've wanted to choose sides when really, if they looked closer-- they would have seen that the only side is their own. What makes them happy. Did they want to maintain friendships between everyone? Or do they not. I'm not on bad terms with my ex. So I don't understand the desire to cast loyalties when none were being asked of anyone. Additionally, I've alienated myself from family members because of the same reason. Or perhaps, because they're too afraid to ask the question of why.

I've even had to step away from writing. Away from Twitter. Away from blogging.

At least, until I could wrap my head around all that's gone on. All that I am becoming. All that my world now entails.

I've tried to return to writing… but have failed at that. Mostly because my focuses are too spread out. My energies too scattered. Yet, somewhere underneath, I know that it's going to make a resurgence. I've felt it for a long while. The timing just wasn't right yet, no matter how much I tried to force it. Other areas needed my attention first. I get that now.

So, it is in this-- my last day before marrying the man who stole my heart and changed my world-- that I take time to reflect. To breathe life into my own life's story before moving forward into fiction.

Because I know that the pen of things to come lies waiting.

Tomorrow is just the beginning. <3

Standing Still to Bare My Soul

Life.

It's what happens with you're standing still.

And that's what I've been doing. Standing still.

My wheels are spinning with Pendomus and it's because my personal life is in chaos. I have a war raging in my brain and I can't… shake it.

So much in my life… has felt so empty for a really long time. Don't get me wrong… I love my kids, my family and friends… but there's been something missing that I've never quite been able to put my finger on. Looking back, I filled that void with many things. Even writing Pendomus.

Now… I fill the void with you. Twitter. My blog. The amazing new people I've met across the world. I didn't know just how connected I really was… until I met you. And… I started to understand what the void is.

You get me. 

The bat-shit crazy, wild-child-wannabe, me.

But there's a downside, too. With social media, like Twitter, it's hard to stay away from it. From the constant interaction. Particularly, because I have this sick obsession to interact. To be accessible. You've given me a taste of what it's like to really be… me.

It's kind of funny when you think about it…

A lot of people think social media is all fake. People in smoke screens and all full of shit. But I haven't found that. Most people are sincere and it's pretty easy to spot the ones who aren't.

When I got blindsided with the whole, narcissistic thing… it honestly only made things worse. Set me off on a tailspin and I'm still reeling. Probably because now, I feel like I'm not only misunderstood occasionally… I'm just really not understood at all. Because before… I had a clear intention. Plus, I don't have many people I can talk to about it, who aren't inside my computer. So, yea. That helps.

But... isn't that really what we're all searching for? To be understood?

Hell, to understand ourselves?

Does that make me narcissist? Or just plain old human?

I'd like to believe the latter.

My life is a mess right now… but it's nice to know I have you all out there.

And maybe… someday I will find a place in the real world to fit in.

xoxo

Refocus

After last week's crazy vanity escapades, a few new things have come to light…

First: My Mom ended up having emergency surgery this weekend on her right eye. Turns out, her retina detached and if she didn't get it fixed as soon as possible, it would lead to permanent blindness. As I've stated before, she's a visual artist (with her specialty in acrylic painting) and the whole thing has been frightening. So far, the surgery sounds like it was a success, though her eye needs to be monitored for the next few weeks. It could, however, take up to 6 months for her vision to be completely normal. We're all hoping for a speedy and successful recovery for her. Love you, Mom!

Second: While I didn't like the way the subject of my networking usage was broached last week, I've done a lot of thinking and feel it's time to regroup. My Goddamn Deadline is looming just a few weeks away and I'm only entering Chapter 21 (of 32). The ending of Pendomus still has to be reworked (which, to be honest, I am looking forward to) and it needs to be top priority.

Third: There's only a month and a half to pull myself together before heading to Georgia for the Moonlight and Magnolias Conference. (Hey, CRITS gals!) And that alone is enough to send me into a tail spin.

So, with all this in mind, if you don't see me on Twitter or blogging much for the next 6 weeks… Assume this is why. I will be back. Yes, I may even continue the Embarrass Me[me]'s. LOL!

But for now...

The universe has sent a clear message: Time to refocus.

Terror Stricken

Okay… so by now, I'm thinking you guys are aware of my Goddamn Deadline to have Pendomus ready for queryable status come Sept 3rd. Right? Right. *shifts eyes back and forth*

I've been making sooper-cool progress via way of my >>MINI Goddamn Deadlines<< and I'm actually ahead of schedule. As of today, I am done with chapters 1-19 (of 32, I THINK). If I can continue along this trend, I should be done by mid-August. Well, assuming the ending UNDO doesn't kill me, first. Could happen.

If all that wasn't enough to leave me terror stricken… there's this new thing…

Come the end of September, some of my CRITS gals are going to this conference thing called Moonlight & Magnolias down in Georgia. I absolutely thought nothing of it at first.

Good luck, have fun ladies. See ya when you get back. *waves*

It's a romance writer thing and I write science fiction. Sure, Pendomus has romantical-type elements, too…

BUT

Now, the CRIT gals have asked me to take a closer look at it.

Beyond the high comedy that would ensue upon meeting these ladies in person; it turns out some great agents, editors and speakers will be there.


Oh, gawd. 


Don't know why, but it scares the absolute bejeezus out of me.

Maybe it's where I am in my process? My inner perfectionist demon hasn't been satiated yet, so the idea of meeting agents in person is crazy-daunting. Maybe it's because I've never been to something like this before? Maybe it's just because I'm a big pansy. Yeah, that's probably it.

Then another part, the schizophrenic voice in the back of my head, tells me this is perfect timing. I'm going to be querying anyway. This could be an extension of it…

Plus, after years of travel drought, I've had the fortuitous timing of having gone to both Arizona and Colorado. Each one offering experiences I would need to attempt such a voyage on my own. *gulp*

Terror is a part of any great adventure, right? Things worth having don't come without a little fear…

So, here's where I am: 

What are your thoughts?

Should I stay home where things are safe and cozy?

or

Should I go and [quite probably] make a fool of myself being the sci-fi freak at a romance gathering? 

A Proclamation of Appreciation

So, this is a kick ass week for me.

Amazing author and friend, TS Welti will be posting a five question interview of me on her blog tomorrow (July 13th). I blabber about writing, with the focus on The Pendomus Chronicles. From what I gather, the interview should go live around 10am PDT. By the way-- her interview will also include an excerpt. ;)

How super cool is that? 

The point of this blog is two-fold. 

First: I HAVE MY FIRST INTERVIEW EVER THIS WEDNESDAY! 

*jumps up and down like a kid*

Second: I want to thank Tania for her kindness and send a special shout out to her. 

So, it is in that spirit, that I want to mention: 

TS Welti has a fabulous new book that just came out, The Fifth Specter. 

Here's the Amazon.com excerpt:

Thirteen-year-old Parker Chance has suffered from hallucinations for most of his life. He has been ridiculed and expelled from public school on account of these hallucinations. When his adoptive father destroys a picture of his birth mother, Parker decides to run away from home. He soon finds himself whisked away to a village of superhumans where he discovers he is one of them. Parker’s new power puts him at the center of a deadly mystery and he soon proves he is much too curious for his own good. The Fifth Specter is a funny and enchanting fantasy that will stay with the reader long after the final page is turned.

Sounds awesome, right? 

I'm awaiting my hard copy as I type and look forward to reading this to my book obsessed son. (I don't know where he gets it. It's weird.)

(The Fifth Specter can be acquired in e-book form as well. FYI!)

 Amazon.com is also kind enough to have a blurb about the fabulous Ms. Welti:

About the Author

Ms. Welti

T.S. Welti is a single mother living in Southern California. She writes books for kids and teens for a living and bakes in her spare time. In 2005, she began writing THE FIFTH SPECTER while sitting in the shade of a weeping willow on a sweltering summer day. Five years later, she lost her job and the book was still not finished. After many sleepless nights spent slaving away at her keyboard, she was finally able to finish THE FIFTH SPECTER and has never looked back. You can find out more about T.S. Welti and the Parker Chance Series on her website at http://tswelti.com.

The writing/reading community is one of vast support. I'd love it if you would swing by her blog tomorrow to check out my interview... and of course, frequent her blog in the future!

One last thing: For the love-- if you aren't following her on Twitter-- be sure to do so.

You guys ROCK! Thank you! :D

Facebook Snafu

Facebook dilemma

I've been on Facebook a long time. All my family and friends mingle with me there. It's where we try to keep in contact and stay up to date with each other.

Now that I've launched my platform as an author, I find a lot of my awesome twitter friends finding me on facebook.

I consider myself a straightforward person... Pretty much anything you want to know, just ask. But my facebook page is my real world. My kids photos are there. My best friends link with me and my family's all there. I'm just not sure that I want to mix that world with my new authorly world and I'm not sure my friends/family would like it either.
You know?

Don't get me wrong... It's an interesting dilemma to have. But one that makes me take pause and draw a line in the sand. I don't use a fake name, I have enough personas in my head already. I don't need to create a new one for myself. Besides, in the age of the internet, people could figure out who I am anyway. Especially if my books eventually do well.

So here's the thing...

I know I have a back log of you wonderful people knocking on my door to come in... and I don't want to turn you away. 

{sigh}

But I think I have to. 

I created an author fan page on facebook (something I didn't figure I needed since I had one for the Pendomus Chronicles).

For the sake of my friends and family, it doesn't feel right to mingle my Twitter/author world with my real world in that way.

I hope you understand and I'd love it if you'd go hang out with me on my author page. I'll still respond there and I'd love the dialogue. I'll try to keep the content different from that on Pendomus so they can both by dynamic sites own their own.

Thanks for understanding and I'll see you lovely people there!

Obnoxious me

So... I've been pondering this a while, but today was the final straw.

#WW and #FF madness, that is. 
(Twitter speak, for those of you unfamiliar. Google it.)

Wednesdays and Fridays, it's like a crazy baffoon takes over my good sense BUT I want to make sure all the cool peeps I talk to get a nod from me. It's a condition. Probably diagnosable.

While, I generally consider myself obnoxious... I guess I sorta would prefer it if you all didn't. A dear Twitter friend, Katja Rinne brought to my attention there's a better way to show my followly love.

While it makes perfect freakin' sense... I have an obnoxious fear of letting people down. (Where the hell did THAT come from, anyway? I blame my family. It's gotta be them, right?)

At any rate, thanks, in part to Katja... (and my cheerleader, Sherry who started me thinking on it originally) I am starting a new thing. Wednesdays and Fridays are still gonna be my nod to great people, but I'll be picking only 3 and I'm gonna be specific as to why you should follow them. Why 3? Well, because it's a fantastic flippin' number... and it's not overly obnoxious. HA!

The last thing I want to do is bombard you awesome people with my crazy-craziness.

Time for a new evolution in Twitter-speak from me. Hang tight.

Ideally, I'll be less obnoxious. ;)