A World of Change

If someone told me a year ago…

I would be divorced, lost close friends over perceptions, living in my parent's second home and working with an immigration attorney because I'm about to marry a man originally from England, whom I happen to have met on Twitter…

I would have called the mental institution. 

But this is how my life has played out.

Don't get me wrong. I knew last year that things were not right in my previous marriage. I knew there were things I had to change in order to reclaim my own personal happiness. That's not to say that life was all bad, it wasn't.

But it wasn't satisfying.

It was missing something that my soul was longing for and I couldn't make that soul song quiet down. Something was pulling me… or rather, as time when on, it turns out, someone.

I met the most amazing man in the oddest of places - Twitter.

Since December, he's been in the United States with me. Unless you've experienced something like this, I cannot properly express how beautiful life has been with him. How seamless - even amidst the craziness. How in sync we are with each other. It's been as if we've known each other all along. There's been no question of "Is this right." Instead, we are just one day away from being married and I can't wait!

The past six months of my life have been a whirlwind. Or maybe just a complete daze.

Now that things are winding down, I'm allowing myself some time to look back. To reflect and recognize how far I've come. How far my life has come. How my world has changed.

Honestly, I'm surprised with myself. And actually, quite proud that what I've done; I've done for the right reasons.

So everyone involved -- not just me -- could be happy.

Even if for now, there is only a handful of people who see it… I know the truth inside myself.

There are, however, elements in this I could not have foreseen as I took those first few steps on this new journey... I've lost people I thought were close close friends because they couldn't look outside the box of what they deemed normality. Because they've wanted to choose sides when really, if they looked closer-- they would have seen that the only side is their own. What makes them happy. Did they want to maintain friendships between everyone? Or do they not. I'm not on bad terms with my ex. So I don't understand the desire to cast loyalties when none were being asked of anyone. Additionally, I've alienated myself from family members because of the same reason. Or perhaps, because they're too afraid to ask the question of why.

I've even had to step away from writing. Away from Twitter. Away from blogging.

At least, until I could wrap my head around all that's gone on. All that I am becoming. All that my world now entails.

I've tried to return to writing… but have failed at that. Mostly because my focuses are too spread out. My energies too scattered. Yet, somewhere underneath, I know that it's going to make a resurgence. I've felt it for a long while. The timing just wasn't right yet, no matter how much I tried to force it. Other areas needed my attention first. I get that now.

So, it is in this-- my last day before marrying the man who stole my heart and changed my world-- that I take time to reflect. To breathe life into my own life's story before moving forward into fiction.

Because I know that the pen of things to come lies waiting.

Tomorrow is just the beginning. <3

Make Yourself

"If I hadn't made me, I'd be more inclined to bow."

It's time.

Time to remove the unnecessary barriers and be myself again.

For the sake of others, I've remained distant. From Twitter, from my blog... Sometimes, from those closest to me. All because I wanted to ease them into the life changes I'm making... Trying spare the feelings of others because I understand that changes can be hard.

That time is over.

It seems, no matter what I do, it's not good enough, anyway. They're hell bent on searching it out and making problems where there were none, so here goes nuthin'...

My life these past few months has been AMAZING.

Say what??

Those of you who've been keeping up on my infrequent blogs (that will be changing soon, too) are probably aware of my divorce. 

What you may not know, is despite the mess that goes with it… 

I've had one of the most profound people I've ever met enter my life. 

He's been a shocking surprise, waking me from the crazy haze I've meandered around inside for so long. There are no words to properly express how much his presence has affected me. He's brought light into an area of my life that's been dark for more years than I can count.

Yet, the circumstances of our "sudden romance" are less than appealing to some of the people around me. They can't wrap their minds around it. 

First, timing. Yes, I admit it's not the best. But neither of us expected this. It was never meant to be anything beyond friendship. We weren't expecting what we found in each other.

Second, we met on Twitter and because he currently lives in England. 

"How could I meet him online and think I know him? Or be willing to have him enter my "real" life? Why would I be willing to take the risk?"

I get those questions and concerns. I do. 

But for me, I've always lived my life according to a very simple rule: Be adaptable. Be open.

Life is NOT about standing still. It's about flowing with the changes, the challenges that life gives you. Life is an adventure, meant to be embraced. As adults, too many people stick themselves into a box; unwilling to change or acclimate to anything new. In part due to fear.

And what purpose does that serve? 

If you can stop, look at fear logically, it's usually just a roadblock to getting what you really want. Sure, sometimes, its purpose is to get you out of danger and it should be taken seriously. But I'm talking the abstract, "WHAT IF", fear. 

Why is it everyone can ask, 

"What if he gets here, and you can't stand him? Why would you do it?"

but not

"What if he gets here, and you're blissfully happy?"

Because EITHER are possible. And I'm not gonna know until I've tried.

To those who are upset by this change; I'm sorry this isn't easier for you. I truly am. If there was a magic wand to wave, I surely would do it. Because each one of you deserves to be equally happy. But one thing I will no longer do, is stand idly by and take the brunt of your unhappiness. 

We each have a choice to be happy. 

I've made mine and I will stand proud behind it.