Writer's Boredom.

Bleh. I'm bored.

Bored with Pendomus. Bored with promoting it, fixing it, looking at it, thinking about it.

I've considered dropping it. Revising it. Continuing to query it. Self-publishing it.

And now my head feels like exploding. Perhaps it's from the caffeine. Wait, I haven't had any for the past 4 hours. Well, dammit... I dunno.

After a conversation I had today with the amazing author, and friend, T.S. Welti, I'm seriously considering setting the world of Pendomus aside. I don't know if that means forever. Probably not. But right now, I feel the need to write, and I just can't bring myself to continue editing and revising something I've spent so many hours already hovering over. I want it to be grown up and move out already.

Until I have any desire to look at it, I have a whole host of projects rattling around in my mind. Some writing, some business related, some graphic design-y, some artistic in other ways. I feel like there is a potential out there that I haven't quite tapped into. I'm soaking in as much info and knowledge as possible, but it's putting me into an overload of sorts.

Soooo many possibilities.

And the question really becomes, which one do I choose first? Because, let's face it, as much as I have delusions of grandeur, I can only do one thing at a time. Right? Right?

Have you guys gone through this?

Sometimes I feel like I'm nuttier than I really am. I should be able to finish this damn thing, but I other shiny things keep getting in the way.

What are your recommendations? Push through, get it done, THEN start something new? Or would you set it aside and work on something new to see if revitalizes you?

Platform Plateau

I've lost it. Oh, gawd…

No, no… my brain seems to be back after a year on hiatus.

Gee, I wish I could add a sound effect.

Unfortunately, however, my platform motivation is gone.

I don't know what it is… maybe life getting in the way. Perhaps boredom in the same stuff. Twitter, facebook, blog… only to start over again.

Maybe, I just don't have much to say.

Whatever the reason… my heart or my shoes… Wait, no, that's not it. *scratches head* Different story. Heehee...

Anyhoo… I need to regain my role as an author. Reclaim my voice.

So… it's within that sentiment, I reinstate yet another…


Goddamn Deadlines.

Yep.

That.

I'm in the final chapters. The "big battle", as it were. This is not the time to be all namby pamby about finishing.

As Jillian would say, "You don't get to the ending and quit. The end is when you finish, STRONG."

So, suck it up, buttercup and here we go…

My latest deadline will be as follows:

I WILL finish editing and writing the final battle by Saturday, June 9th.

And be completely done with editing and writing Pendomus as a whole by Saturday, June 30th.

Wish me luck!

Are you ready?

Prepare your brain

After discussing my last blog on writer's block with my husband, he brought up an interesting thought...

Perhaps the conventional idea of writer's block is all wrong.

What if it's just our brain's way of saying…

You're not ready yet.

Sounds simple, doesn't it?

I believe, particularly in our culture, we have a tendency to want to rush everything.
(Go, go, go…!)

Then, when burn out happens, shock sets in; i.e. How in the blue blazes can the flow just stop?!

The ideas and suggestions I received on I(dent)ity Crisis were helpful, though. In part, because, when I think about it, they were treating that exact problem in the correct manner. By focusing the brain and making it work for the solution.

My favorite was to close yourself in your bedroom and play music fitting to the scene you're trying to write. Watch it play out. Visualize it. Manifest it.

I do most of that normally anyway… but while writing. The idea of sitting in a room to ONLY visualize seems like a great way to reconnect to the world and I intend to try it out later today. However, in the vein of not forcing things to happen beyond their own time… I also want to allow for the flow to return on it's own accord. Meaning…

I'm open to... nothing.

Maybe I sit. I visualize and still, nothing happens. Maybe I get great ideas, but the writing doesn't hit the page. That's okay. Because it's in this realm of thought that I can find peace again.

I know this story will unfold.

When it's ready.

When I'm ready.

I(DENT)ity Crisis

I told myself I would maintain my sense of self. My writing. My creativity… during this identity change of mine.

Unfortunately, I have failed at some of that (so far).

And it's a hard pill to swallow. With my path transitioning from one form to the next, I've found myself floundering with writing, with creativity. I mean, how many times have I said that I would be finishing Pendomus by now? (Here's a hint; too many to count.)

The lull of my story… the melody singing in my soul... nearly faded to a dull whisper in the background because I didn't have the tools to call it back. Not yet.

I stopped worrying about everything beyond the immediate. Kids. Husband. Bills. Food. I suppose, in many ways, it was my mind's way of dealing... Retreating in on itself and going into protection mode. As I've stated before… there's been a backlash from my decisions, as I knew there would be. People who cannot or will not understand the drastic measures to which I've taken to live a happier life.

But that time has past.

Life has progressed and new routines are in the inklings of establishment. The new roadmap for the future is starting to unfold and I can see more clearly now. It's a relief because for a while, I worried whether I'd ever return completely to writing. But how could I get THAT far… the ending no less, only to let it go?

I continue to have pangs of guilt every time I workout and listen to Jillian Michaels say, "You don't stop before the finish line… that's when you break into a sprint."

Because I know I can do this. I know I can get it done…

but the writer's block has been brutal.

I've worked on Pendomus in small sections for months. It's only now that the ending is nearly in place now. My writing is starting to flow again. While I still haven't had the focus to make a large enough dent (at least in my mind), it's getting there. Closer… each time.

I'm getting ideas again. Seeing correlations in the day to day movements of life. Ways to incorporate them into my creative writing. And you know what? It feels good.

I've had some fantastic support in the form of betas - Pavarti, in particular, got my mind going again and I cannot thank her enough. The world has started to color itself again due to her feedback. Not to mention my wonderful husband and Beta-Reader-Extraordinaire. These are people I could not live without. Their love and support is invaluable.

I want to also thank each of you. Those who continue to support me, large and small, through the Facebook and Twitterverses. Right here on my blog. Your support means a lot.

Now… a quick question… What are your recommendations for overcoming writer's block? I need to get Pendomus done and make sure it's done right. Do you have any tips for blending two variations of the same end into one?

Hell, do you think it's normal to struggle so much during a life transition like mine?

This is my brain on drugs.

If I were on drugs, I'd look like this on a continuing basis. Just because it's funny. 
(This hilarity is brought to you from my daughter, who, ironically, was not on drugs. She's just strange.)

Anyway... 

Having this obnoxious cold thingy makes me think about the brain (of course!) and how we perceive the world around us. So many things influence the brain and how it can cognitively function. Though I've always been interested in this process, I've never been so aware of it in myself until I started writing on a daily basis.

Simple things, small things, affect how well I connect to my story:

• Not enough sleep      <------ Check out the studies that back me up!
• Forgetting to exercise
• Drinking too much coffee
• Not drinking enough water
• Having a drink the night before
• Taking cold or allergy medications

Just one of these alone can mess with how quickly my brain reacts to the world of Pendomus... Can you imagine when multiples are at play?

Sometimes I wonder if this idea of writers block really boils down to something this simple:

I'm not at my best today. 


So then I ask myself: Which areas of my life do I need to concentrate on in order to regain balance? I'll take a closer look at my week, for example, to see where I've been out of sync. Typically, it's because I've become neurotically obsessed and have forgotten to do something simple, like feed myself.


I've been sick on and off for the past month-- which has become increasingly annoying. (Thank you small children in school and seasonal allergies!) There have been a couple times when I've finally given in and taken cold medicine. Every time, I feel like being up and dressed is about the best I can manage and it's not a good way for me to meet my goddamn deadline. Not to mention, slacking off is not something I enjoy. I'm a doer and I don't feel right (on whole) when I'm not DOING. 


However, I know there are times when that's exactly what I need. A complete and total lack of doing. Why? Balance. Generally speaking, life is about this often elusive balance thing. Finding that awesome blend between work and play. Between enough and excess... 


When I go overboard in one direction or another, it's like my subconscious way of bringing me back around. A problem manifests physically (like low immunity) or outwardly (like a crazy ass disaster of a house) and at some point you reach a precipice and need to either back off or drop over the edge. 


Do any of you ever feel this way? Wonder how your actions in the moment, hell even the night before, are affecting your day today? Am I the only strange one to watch for these patterns and notice the difference? 


Though I've struggled with this lack of doing for the past weekend, it was the best thing I could've done. Sometimes, when you just let go -- that's when you find what you're really seeking. Out of nowhere a new pattern emerged and I saw a new ending to my story - one that's so perfect, I don't know how I missed it before. Probably because all it boils down to is sequence. I had all the pieces, they were just in the wrong order!

Now, I'm in the process of correcting that and I think, in the end, it will make for a better book.

Plus, I'm off the DayQuil, on the writing sprint toward the finish line and come Hell or High Water, I will reach that goddamn deadllne. ;)