Cursed Complacency

Those of you who follow my blog, know that I adore Jillian Michaels. Her philosophy on life is so in sync with mine that I wish we were friends in real life.

That better be organic veggies on your cardboard pizza. 

That said, I've fallen into complacency.

Health complacency, that is.

When I've had pizza for the fifth day in a row and I can't remember the last time I ate an actual vegetable... Well, we have a problem.

And I doubt I'm alone in this.

My life gets hectic. And so does yours.

There are never enough hours in the day. Ever. When I go into crazy writer mode, the first thing to suffer is my health. Which is stupid. It's the catalyst for my writing in the first place.

I feel very strongly that when our health is strong... when we eat right, exercise regularly (and vigorously), our minds flourish. We are more creative, more in tune. We all around function better. So why, then, is it such a pain in my ass?

Probably because it takes time. In order to eat right, you have to meal plan. There are recipes involved, the buying of actual food... then there's the prep and following said recipe; which involves work. Chopping, slicing, mixing and dashing (yes, dashing!). And it all takes time away from what I want to be doing------> (WRITING) To add insult to injury, there's the "I just made a meal for four, but produced enough dishes for twelve, cleanup." Gah!

*headdesk*

The thing is, I know I have to get back on track. Even my workouts have slipped to three days a week and that makes me cranky. (Ask my kids.)

For all the sitting I do, I have to push myself in my workouts. Call me a glutton for punishment, but if I'm not doing mountain climbers and crow pushups, I don't feel like I've done my job properly.

So, here's where you come in...

I need to get myself back on track.

You probably do, too. Am I right?

Despite the obnoxious time it takes to meal plan (at least it's not folding laundry! YUCK!), I want to get that beast under control. I also want to recommit to my five days a week ass kickers. Uh, I mean workouts.

Who's with me? 

We can skip gleefully into a healthy future together. Or something like that.

Writing binge!

My ass is still numb.

So, what's the hangover look like after a 7 1/2 hour writing binge? 

A little something like this-------->

But I'd do it again in a heartbeat. 

I should have been critiquing a chapter for my new group... I should have been working on web banners... I should have at least attempted it.

I just... couldn't. 

I feel awful about it, but there you have it.

The epiphany struck me and I had to take it and run. There's always tomorrow for real world work stuff, right?

So there I was, peacefully minding my own business and the pieces fell into place. (LOVE when that happens!) I saw what I was missing in the climax of my story and how I was going to change it. It just so happened, my fingers agreed with me.

When I say that it was 7 1/2 hours, though... I mean it. I survived on water and a bag of carmel corn that whole time. That's healthy, right? It has corn in it? (Probably processed GMO corn... For the love of all that's holy, don't tell Jillian! It was baaaad, I know!)

But I hammered out two chapters and I'm proud of them. Come to find out, if you want to get into the inner workings of evil, just listen to Disturbed on a continuous loop. Works wonders! HA!

At any rate, I felt the need to share my joy and fill you in! 

Hope you all have a kick ass Memorial Day Weekend! 

I know I will! ;)

Never thought I'd say it.

But I'm terrified.

100%, heart-pumping, turn-and-run-the-other-way... terrified.

I'm finishing up the last scene I have to write from scratch and technically, I'm only about 2,000 words away from completion. I have a few smoothing over things to do with the chapters that follow, but I've been working on them, too.

2,000 words. 

That's all that stands between me and my first draft.

I've had the scene in my head for months, but I've avoided it like the plague. I'd like to say it was all for the sake of keeping my alpha and betas in the dark. But really, I think I've been scared all along. Scared to finish that last little bit.

Am I the only bizarre one who feels this way?

It's like knowing you're coming up on your due date and at a certain point, that kid inside you will be coming out. There's not a damn thing you can do to stop that process. It's gonna happen.

Impending DOOM!

The good news is, now that I know, I can embrace the fear. Use it to my advantage in this final scene and sprint to the finish line.

Like my hero Jillian Michaels always says:
"You don't get to the finish line and quit. That's when you finish strong."

So that's exactly what I intend on doing. Swallowing down this fear, finishing up the 1st draft and meeting that goddamn deadline.

See you on the other side. ;)

Playing TAG--Seven Things You Didn't Know About Me

Some of my new blogger friends are playing this game and I thought "Why not?" It seems like a fun way to get to know you and in turn, for you guys to get to know me! :D

So, without further ado, I give you:

Seven Things You Didn't Know About Me

1. I never thought I wanted to be a writer, it kind of snuck up on me. Well, more like landed in my lap and slapped me upside the head, but okay. I have an aunt who is a writer and has struggled with it in some form or another her whole life. I didn't want to be that person. Obviously, as time has gone on, I realize I'm not her. I have different experiences and a completely different mindset.

Which leads me to...


2. I grew up in an eccentric house, with a fine artist for a mother and a down-to-earth bowler for a father. At least, that's how I perceived them as a child. Of course, my parents transcend both of those labels now, regardless of how much they still are both.

My middle brother was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor at the age of 2 (I was 5), so my world has always been a little skewed. However, it's been through this trial by fire that my fascination with how the brain operates was born. I'm absolutely enthralled with how we perceive the world around us. --Now, having just turned 30, my brother is still as obnoxious as ever-- but he's still around to be so.

My youngest brother is an Über genius (for the love of all that is holy, don't tell him I said so!) and is currently enrolled in the Physics program at the University of Minnesota.

Yes, that's us, circa 1985.

I really should replicate that hairdo some day, it's simply awesome. 

3. I have an obnoxious passion for the organics industry and eating right. (See also my obnoxious obsession with Jillian Michaels) For two years, I was on the board for our local Co-op and did most of the graphic design work. It was one of the few places I felt my talents were put to good use.

Which leads me to...


4. Three years ago, I went back to school to learn Communication Art. (Graphic Design) While I loved working in school, I found the real world of Graphic Arts to be stifling and manipulative. Neither of which I can handle. I'm a straight forward person with a creative edge and I just can't be put into a box where we want to control the masses. Besides that, I'm too much of a rule bender to make this work in the traditional formats.

Anyway... To this day, my husband's favorite piece that I did is this one:

We had to create a wine label for an assignment and after snooping around the local liquor stores, they all bored the hell out of me. I decided to be myself and go a little nuts. I drew the Banshee in Illustrator and went wild. Notice the organic label? See, told you I'm obnoxious. 

This actually won a Silver Addy Award in 2008.

Despite having forsaken the Graphic Design industry in lieu of writing, I still do web banner design on the side. So my own recent favorite is this one:

Those of you in the know, know why it had to be done. ;)

5. I actually inherited my mother's artistic abilities. When I went back to school for Graphic Design, I found that I have a knack for pastels. Who knew?

This also won a Silver Addy Award in 2008.

Yes, I'm a Whedonite and proud of it.

So did this one. 

This is a based off a picture of my son interacting with our crazy dog, Jedi. (Yes, that's his name.)

6. I love to be creative in just about any form. That includes interior design. When my son was born, I knew without a shadow of a doubt -- he was going to be a Harry Potter boy. (Much to the dismay of my Baptist mother-in-law, but that's a whole different story.)

This is my origination sketch for my son's nursery. No, none of the cutesy bugs and trucks. 

This kid was gonna love Harry, come hell or high water.

Lucky for me, now at 5 years old, the kid's as much in love with Harry's world as I was. He can't wait for bedtime so we can continue to read! (I think I must be doing something right)

My amazing acrylic-painting-fine-artist mother did the detail work for the mural--

The rest was me pretending I knew what the hell I was doing. ;)

My daughter, on the other hand, got the cutesy room. How could I resist fairies and trees, I ask you?

7. I'm openly Wiccan, however, not obnoxious about it. (See also: freakout of mother-in-law)

Every person has an obligation to utilize the philosophies at their disposal to rise above the chatter and find a way to your authentic self. I don't care what that is- as long as it means something to you. I'm not in your head or living your life. If that's Jesus or the Science textbook on your desk, so be it. Mine just comes in the form of the Wiccan philosophies... though, there are some who would look at my beliefs as not Wiccan at all. I tend to have an Atheistic slant and how can you be Wiccan and Atheist at the same time, right? Like I said before, I'm kind of a rule bender and I don't generally find myself needing to adhere the beliefs of others. I march to my own drummer and I'm damn proud of that fact.

As a side note: If you'd like to have a lively discussion about any of this, by all means! I do not however, take kindly to evangelizing. Be forewarned. I demand the same kind of respect you would expect for yourself.

So that's it! Carry on and have a lovely day!

I am an author.

Period. End of sentence.

Okay, seriously, I titled this blog the way I did to hammer home the point (at least in my crazy head) - I'm an author. Sometimes, I need to remind myself of that. I may not be published yet, but I have a world I've been working diligently only for the past 7 months. I have more faith in this story than most people have in humanity. I don't need some sort of outside recognition of that fact to accept the label of author for myself.

Here's my logic. Our subconscious mind is powerful. It is, in many ways, the magic driving this machine that is life. It's just under the surface (Duh -- it has the prefix sub in it! HA!) and we can't escape it. So, why not then, make it work for you?

There are a lot of people out there who are working just as hard as I am, yet want to downgrade their work. "I'd like to say I'm an author, but I think I'd have to have something published for that..." Yada, yada.

So what?

You're setting yourself up for failure -- or at the very least, a long ass wait to get published. Why? Because in the back of your mind, you've given yourself permission to feel inadequate. To not push yourself to the brink of greatness. And guess what? You're great. You feel the desire to write for a simple reason: we need to hear your voice.

I know I bring her up a lot, but Jillian Michaels is amazing. She reminds me everyday in my workouts (Because I own every damn DVD she' ever made. Call me nuts, I can take it.) of what it means to go after something.

"Why would you choose failure, when success is an option?"

Why, indeed?

Recently, I've gone back to earlier chapters of my novel and found myself hating most of what I wrote. Not because it's necessarily bad... but because I've grown as a writer. It doesn't stop me from shuddering at it and wanting to drop everything to go back and make it perfect. (In case you missed it, I've a bit of a perfectionist at times. It's a condition I would happily pass off to just about anyone who would take it!)

However, I'm also deadline oriented. I've given myself this deadline of May 1 to get a full first draft done and I keep pulling myself back into that goal. The goal is not a perfect draft. The goal is a first draft. I want to be able to sit down, read it straight through and it makes sense. I can tweak afterwards, give myself a new goal, etc.

I am also really damn impatient. I want to share this world and the hardest part is having to wait. I think the universe is laughing maniacally as it teaches me patience.

"Ha ha, silly girl. You think you can tame me, you pestilent being!" ~Can't you just hear it? No? Just me, then? Wonderful.

Honestly, I know 7 months and counting is not a long time. In fact, there are many authors out there who's first novel took them years. Even J.K. Rowling. Especially when you are creating a whole new world from scratch. (Did anyone else have flashbacks to Disney's Aladdin right there? Yeesh.)

Anyway... What about you? If you're an author, how long did your novel take? How long is it taking?

It's days like these that I regroup and refocus. What's my goal? Why am I questioning things? Is there an answer?

Then I remind myself: I am an author.

Time will tell if that means anything to the outside world, but it means something to me. I enjoy what I do and even if I chuck out the entire second chapter... I'm cool with that. ;)

And the smoothing continues...

So... I've been sick the past couple of weeks which has hindered the progress of my novel. I'm nearly done, but I'm in the smoothing out phase. For some reason, it's not nearly as much fun as writing it the first time around. I think it's the left brain vs. right brain stuff. I want to be creative because ordinarily, I'm a very detail oriented, organized person. But, then when I'm sick, my brain operates differently. I go from being my normal, upbeat self to something more akin to the First Evil on Buffy. LOL! Discernment flies out the window and I'm just down right obnoxious.


Suddenly, everything I think sucks and I go into a train of thought where my world turns dark. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing... just not in the way that makes for a good writing experience. Though, I took some time to think through my villain and how he perceives the world, so I guess it's all good! HA!


Luckily, I'm getting better. I've had a few epiphanies in the past couple days on things I was missing and ways I can change the flow. I've had to set things aside in order to do it, which does not always sit well with me. I'm a doer and when I'm not doing... I get antsy.


On the upside, I've written in the first half of a new chapter today (one that I didn't realize was missing) and it's helped me tremendously connect to my male character and where he should be mentally in the story. It's so weird how when you write something for a week that happens over a couple hours in a book, you lose focus. Even when you go back and reread. So strange.


But I need to regain that focus... this sucker is a 100,000+ word epic. I need to get my proverbial shit together! There are too many strings that need to be tied from too many directions to lose focus now.


And as Jillian Michaels says, "Why would you chose failure when success is an option?"


So, I'm choosing success.


I'm gonna get past this freakin' head cold of doom and come out on the other side a more focused woman. One capable of painting an entirely new world that will resonate in the hearts and minds of those it needs to reach.


The day is coming.