Endings and Beginnings

Holy. Crap.

I think I'm done with Pendomus.

The ending of this book has been plaguing me for what feels like forever, dragging me along, limping and moaning as I try to break free of it and move forward.

Today, I finally put the past behind me.

Ironically, this day is an ending in many other ways. I'm leaving a job I've worked for the past 3 years to move on to something more in line with my history and background and tomorrow will be my first day. I'm on the precipice of this edge, no longer wishing to look back, but more than ready to move forward.

The job I leave behind was a good one -- allowing me to work with family and have my children with me. But it was not meant to be permanent. It was a holding pattern until I could find myself again.

Today, I take this moment to realize my accomplishments and all that I've managed to do in the past year. I'm finally able to let go of this story… let someone else take a closer look, so I can start writing my new story… the parts of Pendomus that haven't been written yet. The parts still locked up inside my mind.

Today I'm finally done with the past. Tomorrow, I begin anew.

Never thought I'd say it.

But I'm terrified.

100%, heart-pumping, turn-and-run-the-other-way... terrified.

I'm finishing up the last scene I have to write from scratch and technically, I'm only about 2,000 words away from completion. I have a few smoothing over things to do with the chapters that follow, but I've been working on them, too.

2,000 words. 

That's all that stands between me and my first draft.

I've had the scene in my head for months, but I've avoided it like the plague. I'd like to say it was all for the sake of keeping my alpha and betas in the dark. But really, I think I've been scared all along. Scared to finish that last little bit.

Am I the only bizarre one who feels this way?

It's like knowing you're coming up on your due date and at a certain point, that kid inside you will be coming out. There's not a damn thing you can do to stop that process. It's gonna happen.

Impending DOOM!

The good news is, now that I know, I can embrace the fear. Use it to my advantage in this final scene and sprint to the finish line.

Like my hero Jillian Michaels always says:
"You don't get to the finish line and quit. That's when you finish strong."

So that's exactly what I intend on doing. Swallowing down this fear, finishing up the 1st draft and meeting that goddamn deadline.

See you on the other side. ;)