Where'd the time go?

Whoa. 

I'm not entirely sure when it happened. Probably somewhere between flying by the seat of my pants and changing my last name.

Two years ago today, my baby, the brain-child that is Pendomus, landed in my head.

My first rendition of Runa.

Two.

It's hard to believe so much time has passed since my main character Runa's first inception;

I had been playing with my kids outside on a chilly October morning (Duh, Carissa... two years ago today. But I digress...) The sunlight was flitting through the broken, stain-glass leaves above... I was peacefully minding my own business, oblivious that a young girl and her entire world would pierce my day and never let go of my heart.

She wasn't quiet. She wasn't serene. 

Instead, Runa was escaping. 

She needed a way out and she needed it now. Her voice was so strong, so clear, that I knew this was how I needed to start Pendomus.

I've gotten feedback from some of my beta readers to consider changing the opening sequence. For some, having a girl running away isn't a strong enough connection. Why should you care about her? Why should you care that she's running away, even?

I've given it a lot of thought and I guess, the answer is simple.

It's not about you.

For me, as the vessel of this story, it isn't about the reader. It's about my connection to Runa and dammit, she wanted to be introduced that way.

Call me crazy, and perhaps there's a valid case to be made there (HA!), but I need to be true to her. So, pardon me if I say I really could care less about formulaic novel writing. (Says the crazy woman after writing a post about plotting her next books... heehee...) I care about staying true to my vision. The voices in my head and the world they bring with them.

So anyway... it is with Runa in mind (and heart) that I say...

"Happy Inception Day, Runa! I have been forever changed because of you."

Where'd I put my pants?

Whichever way… keep writing.

I realized something not long ago.

I've lost my pants.

Yep, you read that right. Lost 'em.

No, not like that, you nutters… In the realm of writing! ;)

With Pendomus (Book 1), I had no clue what I was doing. I got an idea, heard about NaNoWriMo and took off running with my pants around my ankles... Or something like that. 

I took notes. LOTS and LOTS of notes. But things about the story still surprised me.

The characters, for one. 

I had no idea who the players of my book were going to be. I only knew of a young girl who was lonely and didn't fit in. At the time, she was much younger than she has now turned out to be. Fourteen is where she started out, in fact. But as the story grew, I realized she needed to be older for the story to work.

Why? Because of the other characters who walked into the scene. Quite literally.

I was writing along, happily minding my own business and it was sort of, "Oh? Who are you people?"

So I fleshed them out… gave them their own lives, their stories. Once that was set, the scenes played out as they wanted… I let the characters go wherever. Do whatever.

Which, in a sense was fun, but was also, as it has turned out… harder for me in the editing phase. Pendomus doesn't follow the typical rise and fall. While I know where I am going with the story, there are many things that happen - but get left for a later time for resolution. I, as the author, know they are not forgotten. But how will the reader know? You know?

From my betas, that is the biggest hurdle I need to over come with Book 1 before it's ready to be published. I need to make sure the readers know I am not dropping things…

Because of this, it has come to my attention that my pants have been left behind for a bolder, more organized, Plottery-type me.

I am mapping out the plots of Book 2 and 3. In fact, I'm even mapping out the plot, retrospectively, for Book 1. In addition, I've been working on another story… something to take my mind off of Pendomus, to push myself back into writing. That, too, I've plotted.

So… how do you all feel? Are you plottery-type people? Pansting it?

Which one works for you and why?

Refreshing...

I know, I know… it's been a while. Again. LOL!

Well, these things happen.

On the upside, I've been getting a lot done. Hell, a lot more than I was before I started working full time. Which is, in itself, sorta weird.

Last time I wrote, I was having trouble with it. Trouble getting my grove on whilst working.

While I am still hit or miss on writing in book two, come the ass-crack o'clock, I am making headway with final edits from my betas for book one. I'm 1/3 of the way through with it, as a matter of fact. But the biggest thing coming out of this final pass is this:

I am regaining my sense of excitement for the book, the world and my characters. 

I have a clear direction to what I need to fix for book one so I can move on to the crazy writing of book two. Book two even has it's skeletal outline ready to go. (Be watchful of a blog post on that coming up. Pantsing it, versus Plotting it.)

Within this realm of revitalization and reintegration of Pendomus into my daily life… I've decided that my hub- this blog- needed its own refreshing. So, you may notice some changes that have taken place. A new look and feel - but still carrying forward similar colors, as they tie in to Pendomus so well.

I hope this update makes things easier to use. Easier to find. Easier to read.

I can't promise to blog as often as I should, but I will try to do it as often as I can.

MISSING: Time

Wow, writing and editing when you have a day job is hard. 


Honestly, I never thought it would be. I knew I would have less time… sure. That's obvious. But I never expected the soul crushing lack of energy that comes with it. 


Since starting my job, I've had absolutely no motivation to write. 


I've gotten feedback on Pendomus from some of my dear friends and fellow authors, Pavarti and T.S. Welti. They inspire me to get back to it. To find the time to write and edit. With some fantastic feedback from each, I feel like I can really do that. If only...


Time has been sticking out its tongue at me, fingerstips crammed into its ears saying, "Na-nananana! Yooooou can't catch me!"


I know I was lucky before to have time on my side. To be able to write during the day and make it my focus. Now, I have a lot to juggle inside that little bubble and so far… I've been failing at including writing into it.


I am also acutely aware that my plight is not mine alone. Many artists and authors work day jobs to support their artistry. I've heard to work on my lunch break, but I am already working out then… Or write when the kids are in bed, however, at that time my brain has all but shut down. My plan is to start getting up and hour earlier to write. That worked for me a year ago… I think it will work again now. 


But I have to come up with a game plan. To be completely honest with myself, I'm getting bored with Pendomus, book 1. I've been living it for nearly 2 years. While I know there are things to change and edit, I am giving it up for a while. 


Yes, you read that right. I GIVE UP. -- Just not like that. I give up trying to make Book 1 perfect before moving forward. Sometimes, I think it's okay to move forward while some things are still unresolved. Who knows? It may make for a better series if I can see more into the future of it. 


So, with that in mind, I am stepping out of book 1 to start book 2. 


I will hold all of my critiques and beta suggestions for when I can do them all at once. What do you think? Am I insane?


To those of you working, how do you manage? Do you have any tips? How do you stay motivated and focused?

Monday Ramblings...

Have you ever started off a week feeling… insignificant?

Well, that's me today. Bleh.

Life gets over-run with chaos. Time-munching activities eat away at the things that really and truly matter.

Since starting my new job, I've done a lot of internal assessment on what matters.

Family. Friends. Time with them.

Don't get me wrong… I enjoy my new job. It utilizes a lot of my capabilities. It challenges me.

But it does deny me the one thing I miss most. Time.

It's weird how you realize how much something matters when it's no longer there.

Yesterday, I had a horrendous headache most of the day. I plastered my butt to the couch and sat watching a Gilmore Girls marathon while my husband had an afternoon with his boys on Skype. Their mom doesn't want me talking to them anyway, so I thought it would make me feel better watching a show that makes me smile… hell, I needed a good laugh. But it didn't help. It made me think about my own life and the lack of true friends I have in it. The lack of community I have surrounding me.

Truthfully, I've never really had that, despite my deep desire for it. I've had people in my life, the illusion of friendship… But as soon as our relationship gets hard, or they don't agree with something, they disappear. I have very few people in my life who have managed to stay the course. Sherry, my beta-reader-extraordinaire is the only one.

One friend in all my years who has stood by me, despite falling out. 

Am I that hard to get along with? That hard to love?

Maybe so.

Maybe I expect too much?

In today's society, the condition is to be so busy you can barely find time to plan a meal, let alone time for a frivolous call a friend you've been thinking about.

Then put it into context - broader even… who am I to feel sorry for myself? I have a fantastic husband whom I love deeply. I see my kids half the week and get to physically hold them, kiss them. Things are finally getting easier financially, thanks to our new jobs…

I know I should count my blessings. I really do. But I wish I lived in a world like Stars Hollow. I wish I had people who stopped by unannounced, who knew where the coffee pot was and would make a cup before even letting me know they were over… People who called for no reason other than to chat and catch up. I wish I had people to laugh with, roll my eyes at and sometimes run from when I see walking toward me.

I don't know… Is that too much to ask?

Endings and Beginnings

Holy. Crap.

I think I'm done with Pendomus.

The ending of this book has been plaguing me for what feels like forever, dragging me along, limping and moaning as I try to break free of it and move forward.

Today, I finally put the past behind me.

Ironically, this day is an ending in many other ways. I'm leaving a job I've worked for the past 3 years to move on to something more in line with my history and background and tomorrow will be my first day. I'm on the precipice of this edge, no longer wishing to look back, but more than ready to move forward.

The job I leave behind was a good one -- allowing me to work with family and have my children with me. But it was not meant to be permanent. It was a holding pattern until I could find myself again.

Today, I take this moment to realize my accomplishments and all that I've managed to do in the past year. I'm finally able to let go of this story… let someone else take a closer look, so I can start writing my new story… the parts of Pendomus that haven't been written yet. The parts still locked up inside my mind.

Today I'm finally done with the past. Tomorrow, I begin anew.

A Beautiful Lie

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm some freakish anomaly.

When people completely support me, telling me the things I think I want to hear… ("You can do it!")

… *sigh* … It's when I struggle most.

It's like there's an internal switch that goes… "Oh. Well, I guess I won't surprise anybody by doing ______."

And truth be told, I loooooove to surprise people.

Probably because I love to be surprised.

If there's one thing that doesn't happen enough in this world, it's surprises.

At least, not in intentional kind.

Since setting my deadline to finishing the last chapter - I have worked on it. But I haven't finished the edit. My goddamn deadline of finishing the whole enchilada (meaning, the ending) by the end of the month still holds… but I've been regrouping. Reorganizing my brain. 

I realized my notes for Pendomus where one big cluster of snarly-gnarly crap. Along with my folder on my desktop. So, I did what any sane person would do… I took a day to reorganize.

I looked at a bazillion notes. A bazillion and two folders. Nine-thousand pictures (no, not really that many… yeesh!).

Evernote is my brain.

But I DID listen to close to 150 voice recordings that I'd taken of myself… rambling on like a lunatic. (I swear, if I say "obviously" one more time in a recording, I'm gonna shoot myself.) I've regrouped my entire list of stuff, separating it into manageable packets of information. I've even instilled the help of Evernote.

Mindnode rocks the
brainstorming scene!

(What can I say? I outgrew pieces of paper and an excel spreadsheet. HA!)

With Evernote, I can organize my thoughts more effectively and find them at quicker speed. Whoever invented that program is a GENIUS! Combine that with MindNode Pro and I am in BUSINESS!


But… that still leaves me with this looming deadline and at least 2 1/2 chapters to rework/rewrite before July 1.

So, with that in mind…

Could someone tell me it's impossible, so I can get on with it and prove you wrong??